What God has to say

EVER FEEL CONDEMNED?
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Our Daily Bread (June 28)

"thanks weeliem for sharing this with me... :) "

lower than lowest

All my fears came true last night. was confronted. was questioned. was interrogated. called a liar. felt like a b****. felt so cornered. like a dog. like a criminal.
if im not wrong, why all this guilt??? why all this self-condemnation???

"God...if im in the wrong, correct me...if im not, take away this guilt...please..."

-why do we always hurt people we love?-

ME TOO!!

ona!! im the same age as uuu... :P

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

heading home...

was happy to see weeliem's most adorable sister, jo anne last nite...she was sleeping though. all of us tried to get her to change clothes n brush her teeth but to no avail. she willingly put her arms around me n let me carry her to the bathroom. once i put her down, she just walked groggily back to the bed n pengsan there. so cute! :P
talked to engie a lil on the phone n promised to study ONE page of digital comm. unfortunately, after chatting with weeliem, i fell asleep after reading ONE & a HALF SLIDES! what an achievement huh?

was awakened this morning by a cute lil girl-JO ANNE of coz!! "che che rachel!! wake up!!" grin* dragged myself out of bed. the time was 6.15am. brushed teeth, showered..with jo anne "patiently" waiting outside the bathroom going "che che rachel!!faster la...i wait for u..we go downstairs for breakfast together.."
lol..found out that she didnt even remember me carrying her the nite before.

had breakfast with weeliem's wonderful family.. hmmm...last thing before sleeping-EAT. 1st thing in the morning-EAT! man!!! my stomach still feels bloated! must be indigestion.. :( well, left melaka at 7am. unwillingly said goodbye to weeliem's mom n jo anne. promised to visit them again..

the rest of the morning was just bliss!! met up with s*******. went for breakfast..then "long kai" in subang looking at big houses, n tamans... hung out at a
cool taman; supposedly the best place to watch the sunrise. :) cool! must go there at dawn one day. hmmmm...didnt do much..just alot of talking..laughing..quality time.. ARGUING bout whether the tree was a papaya tree! ish! :P

Sunshine through my window
That's what u are
My shining star
Making me feel
I'm on top of the world
Telling me that I'll go far..
-Gabrielle-

HOLIDAY!!!

man!! it's been AGES since i last blogged!! there's so much to tell..i prob wont be able to remember everything i wanted to say..
i'll tell it day by day starting from sun.

SUN: went to the 1st service at 8.15am at my home church for the father's day service..mostly to see my sis present their dance. was really cool!! unfortunately, adults aren't as enthusiastic as us young ppl..lol...so only I felt like screaming n cheering but reminded myself that this aint a youth church! hehe...gonna ask my beloved sis to teach me the dance!! woo hoo!
anyway, went to "bible" class thingy in Acts. AND 2nd service...semangatnya aku!! :P had dinner with parent's while eagerly waiting for the arrival of the melakans!! bounce* well, they kindda got lost (snicker*) & reached pj bout 10?11? hmmmm...i was in ss2 & guess what! so were they!! had supper in Murni...1st time seeing them ever since IF camp! was really great!! boss, lenard & i were the only "cyberians".

MON: hmmm...what did i do on mon?? OH YA!!! had belated father's day lunch with family & my dad's bro in sis (& their spouses of coz) & my kong kong. they really LEPAKed at my place after that. till bout 7pm. tsk tsk* parents sure do YAK alot too... ended the day with a long long talk with a friend... :)

TUE: spent the WHOLE day with the malakans!! grin* had lunch in BK ss2, went to salvation awhile. then took off to KL!! times square..low yat..sungei wang.. justin & i got ripped off buying new housing for our phones (according to vijay)...jason was a HAPPY MAN!! cool new discman! visited DAMN alot of shops before actually purchasing it. in 1 particular store, the stupid salesman was so RUDE! jason just asked a simple question, "can it play CDR-W?". salesman: "it states that u can play so-n-so number of songs!of COZ it can play CDR-W.its COMMON SENSE!!" WHOOAA!! ouch!! well, we definitely used OUR COMMON SENSE & purchased it from a different shop!! "we" pulak! macamla ALL of us were buying it. lol....
neways, went back to pj..had dinner in ming tien. VJ was a hero & accepted out dare to eat the 'super malat' taiwan sausage. he was pretty macho la.. JUSTIN on the other hand...MUAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHA...sorry..thinking bout it cracks me up again. lets just say, liquid started flowing out from every hole on his face. LOL!!...justin, u rock (disgustingly)!!! :P
after dinner we watched Chronicles of Riddick in midvalley.. STUPID SHOW!! vin diesel was super macho n cool as usual. but the story line sucks.

WED:took off to MELAKA!! YEAY!! FOOD FOOD FOOD!! mark dropped me off in EP to meet ona... I LOVE HER HOUSE MAN!! went for dinner in Newton..followed by satay celup, where deric kena marah by the "order drinks" woman. lol.. hopefully there wasnt any piss in his leong cha that tastes like sarsi according to leona. later that nite, watched The Passion with leona at her hse. ouch ouch ouch! *cringe* we need to be constantly reminded on how much Christ suffered for us. it will make us think & make decisions differently. "Thank u Jesus once again for giving Your life for a wretch like me"
Quote of the day: the haze very bad ar..

THUR:woke up...had PANCAKES for breakfast!! yummy!! leona will make a wonderful wife! grin* an hour later, went to meet weeliem for lunch. this time we had CHICKEN RICE BALL!! basically ate alot the whole day ler. eraserwkkeeeee came down to mlk in the evening to join us. had roti john at nite...lepaked at the beach for while. went back to weeliem's just to get a phonecall from justin saying they're going to roti john. great timing guys! :P so BACK to the same place again.. fellowshipped with the mmucf's comittee n Ps Joanne. we couldn't have been noisier...heh..laughed till i was pretty tired on the way home. was sad to say goodbye to the melakans, but, sigh* ..oh well..
Quotes of the day: Why they put the chilli in the cucumber?
It's the horse's roof.
Don't TAMBAH TOKOK ar!!!
(compliments from leona)

FRI:EAT EAT EAT...walk walk walk...hot hot!! drink drink...EAT somemore... (actually, im just getting lazy to write).. am at weeliem's place now.. n it'll be HOME SWEET HOME tomorrow!!!

APPRECIATION:
ona dahling...thanks for letting me stay at ur place...for cooking for me...for bringing me around...for making me laugh!! wink* thank u ona's mummy too!!
weeliem, thanks for bringing me around too..n letting me stay at ur place...n belanjaing me a few meals. :P
justin, jason, vijay, mark, deric, sam, joash, soly & the rest of u...THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!! i had an awesome holiday thanks to u guys!! ur jokes & lamesness brings tears to my eyes.. LOL... hope to see u all again soon...GOD BLESS!!

I/S

some of the things i learnt today...

(DISC personality test)
My personal style: I/S
-Influencing (tends to prefer an environment that allows SOCIAL INTERACTION)

-Steadiness (tends to prefer an environment that is STABLE & SECURE)

PRIMARY DRIVE - Projecting encouragement, Maintaining peace & harmony.
PERSONAL GIFTEDNESS - Seeing the potential in people inspite of their flaws.
GROUP GIFTEDNESS - Constantly affirming and encouraging others.
POTENTIAL SPIRITUAL GIFTS - Giving, Helps, Pastor-Teacher.
INTERNAL FEAR - Disappointing friends, Experiencing continuous disharmony.
STRENGTH OUT OF CONTROL - Being too tolerant & trusting.
UNDER STRESS BECOMES - Overly accomoditing to maintaining relationships.
BLIND SPOTS - Knowing when an abusive situation is critical enough to confront.
NEEDS TO WORK ON - Being more objective about people & situations.

for high "I"s:
Releasing Stress:
-becomes more talkative
-prone to verbal attacks
-seeks social gatherings

Recovery from emotional stress
-by socially spending time with others
-talking on the phone

Sensitivity to Feelings of Others
-more sensitive to others
-want others to be happy
-is quick to offer encouragement & reach out to others

Approach to Teamwork
-draws upon contacts to gather the resources needed for the project

Leadership or Management Style
-adopts a democratic style
-facilitates open communication with others
-desires consensus before making final decisions


Quote of the day: "but there's no microsoft oven!" (internal joke..snicker*)

TUESDAY

PRAISE THE LORD!! i didn't need to lau sai on tuesday morning!! hehe...a few blogs back i mentioned that 2 weeks in a row i had bad stomach aches before or during Morning Glory.

ooh!! yesterday was DRESS UP day again...this involved leona, esther, becky & me!! :P LOL..was talking bout a dress day, skirt day,white day, belt day (which leona went "....we can wear out BLET!" HAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA), LOA day. heh... keep in mind, we do this to make out week more interesting & WORTH going to class. not so much the LOA-ness in us. SOMEtimes la SOMEtimes...

ona & i had brunch with esther, chee yong, becky & (uh oh! dun dare to spell his name..after wrong pulak)...the hippo sat with us for a while.. then we had lunch with HIPPO & TAMUS! felt like a long time since we did that. :D was full of laughs as usual.

I ALMOST FORGOT!! after CF, ona & K.E went rollerblading!! engie & i just watched ( coz i know i'd make a fool of myself & fall everwhere). & guess what ona did!! she went too fast...rammmed into my car to stop. AND INJURED HER TUMMY!! poor gurl!! it looked REALLY painful!! WAS really painful!! imagine!! she got stabbed just above her belly button by my "broken-off" radio antenna. OUCH!! hope it's not so painful now.... :(

moral of the story: never let ona blade without adult supervision.

~HIGH~

oKAY...so i should start studying earlier next time! but oh well, i've always been a last minute studyier..can't seem to get anything in unless im under pressure (which is like 1 day before the exam). so anyway, last nite was bad! started cramming for my test that took place this morning. DINNER was fun though..went to dengkil with leona, bea & kae ee to look for pork. the drive there was PREtty interesting! kae ee is a mad driver! BAD kae ee! oh..& the drive back was even MORE interesting. BEA drove back!! WHOA!! she quite ganas also man!! U GO GURL!! LOL...

so anyway, back to the bad night. went to leona's to study. was doing okay for the 1st 3 hours maybe...(1st time studying with kae ee!! cool!) then...as 12 o'clock came..1am..1 sumthing am..i was dying. my eyes wouldnt stay open!! went to leona's room..tried to keep myself awake by chatting with engie. was working for the 1st 2 hrs.. then my eyelids got too heavy. & all he could do was threaten to come over with a baseball bat. ISH! like THAT's gonna work. :P hehe..

finally fell asleep in the hall bout 3sumthing am? but i was awakened by a phone call that left me really upset & disturbed. went back to my place at 5 am. studied awhile more with weeliem (who just got back home too). sleepiness took over again...gave in to my bed's temptation at 6 sumthing. wanted to wake up at 7 to study somemore, but i only regained consciousness at the sound of my phone...engie: "morning..it's time to wake up.." OH NO!!! it's 8am!!! im not done studying!! argh!! oh well..gotta just leave the rest to God. then OFF to MPH i go...

oh! bout the title of the blog...yea..it was because i was feeling high; light-headed in the exam hall. was definitely due to LACK OF SLEEP...not drugs or anything okaY!!

-drove back to peejay..making a stop at subang to drop lenard, jasonD & simon off..& a stop at ming tien to drop becky off. :)
HOME SWEET HOME...BED sweet BED... zzzZZzzZzzZzz..

sob* & smile

*sob* ...did something i shouldn't have done...looked back...now i just feel like crying... thought i was strong. but looking back must have made me weak.. feeling confused...what am i feeling? why do i feel guilty for feeling this way? why do i feel like im wronging someone? the main question is still, what am i feeling?? :(

(an hour or so later) smiling*
"that" feeling's gone...another feeling has come over me... what the heck!! feelings feelings feelings!! leaves u so confused & out of breath! lately i can't seem to keep up with my feelings.. whats wrong? what am i going through?? ARGH!! i should just go to bed!! but i gotta study...DOUBLE argh!!
-when's my "sinusoidal graph" of emotions gonna stabilize?-

CHUP!!

HALLELUJAH!! i couldn't thank the Lord enough!! had our first CHUP cg tonite! i was kindda worried n nervous bout it at 1st...was wondering how will it go. will the members participate? will everyone feel awkward? but GLORY to GOD!! it went so much better than carol & i expected!! even with only 8 members present, i believe the FAMILY bond has started to form. & even though we only have 2 new members, we believe God's gonna bring in more people to our lil CHUP family!! YEAY!! grin grin grin*

"Lord Jesus...help us to keep You in the centre, so that our CG will be bonded together in Your LOVE..Amen.."

venus??the sun??

yesterday, desmond needed help with a song to remember the new testament. so offered to help. said nicky's really GENG! just need a few minutes to think up a melody. well, went over to his place (which is beside MINE in case u didnt know)..n started singing the new testament books to all kinds of melodies. unfortunately, nicky was WAY WAY WAY too tired...n after we gave up, i went to weeliem's pc to buzz desmond n tell him we couldnt do it. i could still here nicky playing the guitar on weeliem's bed, n in about 30 secs, the music stopped...n there was nicky...holding the guitar...peacefully asleep.. SOOOO ADDOORRAABBLLLEE!!! :D

today...went to morning glory..we were the 1st group to finish praying coz had to rush to class. SIGH* seems like i hafta "lau sai" EVERY TUESDAY!! think the devil doesn't want me to pray. no no!! must not confess!! i SHALL NOT have a tummy ache next tuesday in JESUS' name!! AMEN! :P

BBbBbrRrrRr* was friggin cold in lab today...i thought i was gonna get frostbiten. when the 3 hours was up, MAN!! the SUN never felt better on my skin than it did today!! was defrosting for bout half an hour.. hehe...

did u ppl know that VENUS was crossing the SUN today? wai choong n i did everything we could to look at the sun. used a black colour bottle...OUCH! tried looking at the reflection of the sun in a bucket of water...OUCH! put 3 or 4 sunglasses together...OUCH! but ooohh..can see the sun..but noo...no venus. went n looked at it online...WHAT THE??? a small tiny black DOT at the bottom of the sun?!? cheh... no wonder couldn't see it with our naked eye la!!

crap! i missed my gym session today!!! wanted to take an hour nap n go to the gym at 5 sumthing...but ehter n i just pengsan-ed till 7pm. what pigs!! when we finally woke up, off to CF we go... was really nice seeing the melakans; deric, soly n mark at CF. was reminded of all the fun we had at IF. :D i really hope i'll be able to visit them soon. missing them even though we only had 3 days together.

oh well...i gotta study for BHM test this sat. YAWN* -switches off monitor-

BLeSSeD

WHOA! i actually woke up earlier this morning to do my Q.T!! how cool is that!! it's been so long since i've taken my Q.T seriously.. hope i keep it up. it really is wonderful to start ur day with God.

I was reminded yesterday how blessed i am to have the friends that i have. friends who don't judge me. friends who accept me for who i am. friends who still love me despite the horrible things i've done in my life. (thanks dearie for hearing me out, & loving me all the same, & encouraging me...u know who u are..) For someone like me, i experience judgement pretty often. because im pretty open & outgoing..n friendly..alot of people get me wrong. i've heard rumours bout me so many times. n it hurts. but i thank God for friends who truly know who i am & what im made off. i really could not ask for anything more.. (the friends im talking about...u know who u are.. hugz* love u guys & gals so much!!)

hmmm..today i was dying in my 3hr lecture. but had a few good laughs in the library during breaks. hung out with bea n weeliem. dunno what was wrong with us. expecially bea & i. LOL...good thing we weren't kicked out of the lib. anyways, i suddenly remembered a joke that cheeyong n i accidentally came up with quite some time back. it was a spontaneous kindda thing. here goes:

gurls: yak yak yak...bla bla bla...yadda yadda yadda...
cheeyong: why can't gurls stop talking???
rach: coz our PERIOD only come ONCE a month.
everyone: hAhhHAhahhahhHAhhhahahahha...

get it? okay...maybe it sounds lame here.. but it was REALLY funny when it happened. sheepish grin* didnt know WHERE that answer came from.

JOY JOY JOY!!!

(this entry was supposed to be up last night. but due to my IE not allowing me to surf, i could only post it this morning.)

GRIN GRIN GRIN* yup!! that's what im doing now...like a freak. it's weird.. i was driving back to cyber alone, at 12 sumthing am. been 2 weeks since i drove back alone. my sunshine wasn't with me. so i started talking to the only person with
me in the car-our sweet Holy Spirit. i was just pouring my heart out about things that has been happening..asking questions.. was listening to Point of Grace cassette. many of
the songs ministered to me. & suddenly when i reached cyber, i was filled with
unexpainable joy that can "only be given by our Papa above" according to leona.

Just realized..i've never wanted the things of God more than i do now. i believe my spirit is really whacking up my body. LOL...was reminded bout a presentation i did sometime back in Acts church (some of u would have seen it)..where the BODY & the SPIRIT are battling each other. & the SOUL has to decide which one to follow. at that time i felt like such a hypocrite, coz my FLESH was obviously triumphing over my SPIRIT.
but NOW...i feel my SPIRIT is really starting to fight! cool!! i pray that God wont let this fire burn out.

I need YOU here..

I need You here
I need You here
You're like the rain that falls
Fall on this heart & make me new

I look to You
I look to You
You're King above the earth
& You have put heaven in my heart

I only wanna be where You are....

brighter tomorrow

Today...leona & i rushed to KLCC to get my cheong sam fitting done. MAN!! it's gorgeous!!! too bad i can't keep it. it's for job purposes only.. :( oh well...at least get to wear it once ler..
SIGH* not feeling too good at the moment..feeling came about, an hour ago? hmmm..feel like just going to bed.. good night world...it WILL be brighter tomorrow...

cest la vie

sigh* yesterday was pleasant...then it became sad... why must things be so difficult?? why is it that right after u think u've overcome something, SOMETHING else comes along to complicate things & "spice up your life"??
'cest la vie'...guess it's the only way to grow..only way to mature...only way to become stronger... or else we'll still just be, (as ona said), KIDS.

*off to class* life goes on...