dEppReSsiNg NiGhT

was watching the news.... EARTHQUAKE!! sri lanka...indonesia...kelantan...kedah...PENANG!! TANJUNG BUNGAH!! MAR VISTA!! LANGKAWI!! DEATHS!!
my heart dropped. the blood drained from my face. i actually felt like fainting. face felt so cold...heart was practically trying to burst out of my chest. i rushed to the phone... called him... CANT GET THRU!! panic!! called her...YES!! she's okay!!! she said everyone's fine... THANK GOD!! made a few more calls n messages. thank God all my friends n loved ones are safe... this disaster really makes u realize how fragile life is. u can just "go" anyday. n it really makes u value life...n ur loved ones... i pray that God will protect them from harm.
but the news was so depressing...seeing people having to look in bags with bodies to identify their relatives.... i seriously can't imagine MYSELF being them. i was really praying for God to comfort those who lost their loved ones.
man!! these are really signs of the end times... it's scary...

besides the news... friends are going through depressing n upsetting situations too... SIGH*
what a depressing night!!

stuff

when u've been stabbed too many times...it doesn't seem to hurt anymore...u kindda just feel blank and empty. maybe coz all the blood has drained away. n all ur nerves are dead. heh..

well..Christmas is coming... hopefully it'll come with JOY & LOVE that i need so badly now!!
"Jesus...please help me to stop being stupid. Help me to focus on the important things in life..."

i'm pretty looking forward to seeing old church friends tonight...& then maybe chilling awhile at close friend's houses...

i miss my cousins...wish they were all back here...miss the times when we would spend EVERY Christmas together... sigh* why must we grow up and graduate and start working and get busy with our lives? life as kids was so much more pleasant and fun!!

JoY tO ThE wORLd...the LoRd iS CoMe...LeT eArTh ReCeiVe hEr KING!!!
BleSSed ChRiStMaS everyone!!!

???

where am i?
what did i do?
where do i go?
what am i feeling?
how do i leave this place?
how do i focus?
God help me...i'm dying inside...

BiTTeR sWeeT

so many thoughts in my head....i can't think straight.... how did this happen???
how did i fall for u? how did i lose u? why can't i let u go? why does it hurt so bad? why can't i stop crying? if we're not meant to be, why did our paths have to cross?
-bitter sweet-
that's the only way i can describe the trip. it was fun. it was so great being close to u again. n yet it kept ripping my heart out. it was as if i had a wound...n someone started stabbing n scratching at it.
why do u do the things u do? i feel like i caused it. i feel like i am to blame.
part of me is happy that i made this visit. coz now it seems like i am weaker. i'd rather be the one hurting then to see u hurt. n i've seen the friends ur with. the company u have. they're all wonderful people. i love them. n they adore u. u have so much around u. i don't know why u ever felt like u needed me. u don't.
u have such a bright future before u. i'm glad i'm not in the way to stop that. maybe my purpose in your life was to ease ur study days in KL. but now, i'll only be a burden. glad i was there when u needed someone. now it's time for us to move on...our different ways...
my heart aches. i miss u. but there's nothing i can do.
-broken-

about "u"

thought about u today...
missed u...
didn't realize i missed u this much...
my heart ached...
my tears flowed...
wish u knew i still care...always will...
wish u knew i still love u...i do...
hope i won't break down when i see u...
hope u won't hurt when u see me...

zher's back!!

ZHER'S BACK!!! bounce* i'm damn happy!!! whheeeee!!!! :D