dEppReSsiNg NiGhT

was watching the news.... EARTHQUAKE!! sri lanka...indonesia...kelantan...kedah...PENANG!! TANJUNG BUNGAH!! MAR VISTA!! LANGKAWI!! DEATHS!!
my heart dropped. the blood drained from my face. i actually felt like fainting. face felt so cold...heart was practically trying to burst out of my chest. i rushed to the phone... called him... CANT GET THRU!! panic!! called her...YES!! she's okay!!! she said everyone's fine... THANK GOD!! made a few more calls n messages. thank God all my friends n loved ones are safe... this disaster really makes u realize how fragile life is. u can just "go" anyday. n it really makes u value life...n ur loved ones... i pray that God will protect them from harm.
but the news was so depressing...seeing people having to look in bags with bodies to identify their relatives.... i seriously can't imagine MYSELF being them. i was really praying for God to comfort those who lost their loved ones.
man!! these are really signs of the end times... it's scary...

besides the news... friends are going through depressing n upsetting situations too... SIGH*
what a depressing night!!

stuff

when u've been stabbed too many times...it doesn't seem to hurt anymore...u kindda just feel blank and empty. maybe coz all the blood has drained away. n all ur nerves are dead. heh..

well..Christmas is coming... hopefully it'll come with JOY & LOVE that i need so badly now!!
"Jesus...please help me to stop being stupid. Help me to focus on the important things in life..."

i'm pretty looking forward to seeing old church friends tonight...& then maybe chilling awhile at close friend's houses...

i miss my cousins...wish they were all back here...miss the times when we would spend EVERY Christmas together... sigh* why must we grow up and graduate and start working and get busy with our lives? life as kids was so much more pleasant and fun!!

JoY tO ThE wORLd...the LoRd iS CoMe...LeT eArTh ReCeiVe hEr KING!!!
BleSSed ChRiStMaS everyone!!!

???

where am i?
what did i do?
where do i go?
what am i feeling?
how do i leave this place?
how do i focus?
God help me...i'm dying inside...

BiTTeR sWeeT

so many thoughts in my head....i can't think straight.... how did this happen???
how did i fall for u? how did i lose u? why can't i let u go? why does it hurt so bad? why can't i stop crying? if we're not meant to be, why did our paths have to cross?
-bitter sweet-
that's the only way i can describe the trip. it was fun. it was so great being close to u again. n yet it kept ripping my heart out. it was as if i had a wound...n someone started stabbing n scratching at it.
why do u do the things u do? i feel like i caused it. i feel like i am to blame.
part of me is happy that i made this visit. coz now it seems like i am weaker. i'd rather be the one hurting then to see u hurt. n i've seen the friends ur with. the company u have. they're all wonderful people. i love them. n they adore u. u have so much around u. i don't know why u ever felt like u needed me. u don't.
u have such a bright future before u. i'm glad i'm not in the way to stop that. maybe my purpose in your life was to ease ur study days in KL. but now, i'll only be a burden. glad i was there when u needed someone. now it's time for us to move on...our different ways...
my heart aches. i miss u. but there's nothing i can do.
-broken-

about "u"

thought about u today...
missed u...
didn't realize i missed u this much...
my heart ached...
my tears flowed...
wish u knew i still care...always will...
wish u knew i still love u...i do...
hope i won't break down when i see u...
hope u won't hurt when u see me...

zher's back!!

ZHER'S BACK!!! bounce* i'm damn happy!!! whheeeee!!!! :D

major attack

was praying for friends....suddenly realized that EVERYONE is having relational problems at the moment...there are SOOOO many relationship problems going on around me. may it be girl with girl, guy with guy, girl with guy or guy with girl...they're everywhere...robbing everyone of unity n love.
it dawned upon me that this IS Satan's major attack plan - to break us all up...to divide us n make us weak...to take away our love for each other...to take away the efficiency of us working together as one in the body of Christ. so WHY ON EARTH ARE WE LETTING HIM WIN??!?!?!are we out of our minds?!?!?!?!

it's so obvious that this isn't just a coincidence that just about EVERYone that i think of IS having some kindda relational problem. it's so obvious that the easiest way to cause us to lose our focus is to play with our hearts, our emotions. once the devil gets us there, we can't do anything anymore. we can't concentrate on ANYTHING!! we can't get ANYTHING done!! we can't focus on the important things in life; like touching people's lives with God's love...like helping the less fortunate...like being more sensitive to those who really need our care n love. instead, we get so entangled in this mess of relationship problems that our lives revolve around it. n we just dwell in the hurt, the disappointment, the pain , anger, the sadness...
it's time we pick ourselves up people!!! are u hearing me?!?! we really gotta stand up and FIGHT against all this nonsense that is breaking us up! where's our LOVE? where's our GRACE? where's our UNITY? i myself am guilty of falling into this trap. but let's help each other out. let's laugh at Satan's face when he realizes he's failed.

"Father God, i just ask for strength to come upon ALL of us right now!! ALL of us who feel to weak to fight against these problems... i pray for LOVE to fill our hearts...FORGIVENESS to
fill our hearts...i ask that You help us guard our hearts n minds from the fiery darts of the enemy. help us stand strong united in You...in Jesus' POWERFUL name, AMEN!!!"

Colossians 3
vs 13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

vs 14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

vs 15
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.
[The attitude of peace that Christ alone gives; in place of the attitude of bitterness and quarrelsomeness. This attitude is to RULE in ALL HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS]- from NIV study bible.

. :FRIEND: .

talked with a very special friend today... felt that i could've been there more but i wasn't. felt that i could've helped more but i didn't... :( maybe out of fear...maybe out of ignorance...
but there's no point regreting. life goes on...
i really hope i would be able to be more of a friend to her in the coming days, months, years...i really wanna be there for her when she needs a listening ear, a fellow sister who understands her pains, a shoulder to even cry on... she knows who she is.. i think.. :)

i told her this when it happened, but there's a possibility she didn't hear me over all the noise.
it was a sunday morning in church. n there was n alter call... me being on usher duty just stood behind the people who went up, n prayed silently from where i was for those i felt moved to pray for. when she was being prayed for, i started praying too...n i just started crying as i was doing so. i dont why, but somehow, the Holy Spirit just moved me to tears even though i didn't know exactly what was going on in her life.

"dear...u know who u are...God loves u so much n hurts when u hurt. be bold!! be strong!! u will get through this, n u WILL be victorious!! i'll be here to walk beside u....love ya lots!!"

jottings...

pool...a lil dancing...foosball...home...stacko thingy...CRASH!!...laugh laugh laugh...vibrating butt...laugh laugh laugh...uno MADNESS...tick tick tick...BOOM!!...laugh laugh laugh... :D

..missing someone...or ones...
..wishing the car was fixed...
..wondering bout the trip...should i? should i not?
..PG meeting...can't wait!
..movie tomorrow...hmmm...need car...sigh*
..listening to peaceful music...dreaming of the beach..gentle breeze..waves on the shore...
..time to sleep...thinking bout rat in the laundry room...locked it there. muahaha! good thing it didn't fly in my face again!!
..okay...time to sleep... zzzzZZzzZzzzzz....

iT's OVEERRR!!!! :D

exams are OOVVEEERRR!!! wwhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!.. :P that was the fastest ever finals i've sat for man!! first day-first paper-last paper... lol...
well, thank God it went pretty well...i did my best..leaving the rest to Him now.. :) the only thing i'm worried about is the graph. many student's carry marks are high. so getting an A will be difficult. sigh* oh well...nothing i can do bout that now...

so it's time to PAARRRTTEEYYYY!!!! n chill....n n.... hmmmm.. i don't even know what to do next...feeling too free...

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!!!

been feeling a lil lost...a lil tired...a lil dry...a lil weary...a lil disturbed...

but in church today, Ps Kenneth shared some things that spoke to me... n at the same time, God spoke to me as well...
Ps Kenneth stated that we need to focus on things that God wants us to. some things in our Christian walk are just NONE OF OUR BUSINESS!
many times, we just get so distracted by petty things in our life... when we should concentrating n working on things that are eternal.
that's exacty what was wrong with me. distracted. had worries n questions in my mind that shouldn't even BE there!
why am i getting caught up in things that shouldn't be of concern to me??
the answer was suddenly so clear to me... all the questions that i've been asking lately; "why? how?..." have been answered. God simply told me, "these are all distractions...FOCUS rachel FOCUS!! it's none of ur business...stop getting caught up in worldy matters..emotions..worries.." i knew now that all the "battles" in me weren't exactly a problem. just distractions that i had to ignore...
phew* what a burden was lifted from me this saturday night service. really felt so much more relieved...felt joy once again... :D yeay!! thank u Lord for enlightening me!! :P

MELAKA?

in the historical state of....MELAKA!!! woo hooo!!!ya rite...as if we come here for the history. hehe.. we come for the FOOD n PEOPLE!!was fun celebrating jeff's birthday in Paradise. nice romantic place. :)
today...watched the INCREDIBLES with weeliem n mich. i think the show is fantastic!! really really good... gotta watch it again man!! well, mich n i did some shopping after that. grin* both of us bought one piece of clothing each. :P
after that, we had dinner with justin, joash, sam n deric in friend's cafe. that was really fun. n what i ordered was really good!! yummy!!
after dinner we headed down to the beach opposite weeliem's hse. THAT's where our conversations got interesting!! talked alot bout relationships n stuff. mich n i felt old coz we seemed to know alot. experienced!! haha... sigh...conclusion was....
-don't get involved too early
-try to stay away from "one to one" outings
-trust in God that He'll bring u the best whom He KNOWS u'd want as well
....hmmmm...i can't remember the rest. too sleepy...yawn* oh well... i still think it's better to stay out of relationships now. saves u so much complications n problems. even TALKING about it was making mich n i feel frustrated... okay...brain is shutting down... good nite world.. or should i say, good morning... zzZZzzZzzzzzz..........

DaNciNG

was thinking to myself... when my back was still hurting, n i was gonna see a doc about it..some stupid thoughts crossed my mind. what if it's serious? what if a bone is out of place? what if it's CANCER or something? :P but there was only ONE fear in me...not whether i would die....but what if whatever it is forbids me from ever dancing again!!! gosh!! that really freaked me out!! i know i've always loved dancing....since young... n that passion has grown over the years... but i never thought that it meant THAT much to me. i would really be "dead" without the ability to dance. its like...its the only thing that i can do willingly even if it causes pain or frustration...n still obtain joy from doing it. i practically can't live without it. dancing!!! if only i could do it for a living!! *sigh*

"thanks leona darling for teaching us the fan dance. was super duper fun!! :D i bet ALL 3 of us had a great time!! 4 including u.. hehe...muaks*"

DON'T complain!!

i was reminded to write about this after reading Leona's blog-about being thankful... just last week, Esther & i had a conversation about how good people are at complaining about everything. how can we complain about petty things such as; "im fat!", "im ugly!", "my hair sucks!", etc. (even im guilty of the last one)...when there are people in the world who are BLIND, DEAF, MUTE, LAME??.. and THESE are the people who really know how to appreciate the lil things in this world.

some people question "WHY does God allow some people to be handicap or not have all 5 senses??" well, i believe that in many ways, these people are even more blessed, because they are the ones who really know how to find true joy, n experience an abundant life. unlike "perfect" beings like us who only know how to whine n grumble when we have pimples, or a bad hair day, or not have a supermodels body, or not look like Brad Pitt, or not have a gf/bf... and then we get all depressed, n think that we're the unluckiest people on earth, n that life sucks! ARGH!! im getting pissed just thinking about it!! how can we be SOOO ungrateful??? we had better start learning to thank God everyday for giving us SIGHT, HEARING, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH, 2 HANDS, 2 FEET, 10 FINGERS, 10 TOES...what more can we ask for my dear friends??? u are SOOO blessed!! now use ur gifts to bless others!!

first music practice

and so...we finally got together to practice for my friend's wedding. a few of us used to play almost every week in church for praise & worship. sadly, most of us havent TOUCHED our instruments for more than a year. some 2... so the first thing i said when we reached church; "okay!! let's first learn how to play our instruments!! whheeee..." :P hehe... all of us felt damn scared to start.. all KARAT dy... we stoned for awhile... n i asked.. "so...how do we start?" LOL... damn funny ler!! we had a few good laughs. we were acting like we didnt know how to play at all. but when the ball started rolling, everything was good... NO we didnt forget how to make music. i think u can't really forget these things. maybe it won't be as smooth as it used to be...but it was okay... :) thank God! n it was fun!! sigh* really miss playing the drums!! especially with these friends...we have SO many memories together.
*dreeaaammm....*

Another Chance

this is just a song i wrote during my quiet time...was reminded on how i got another chance...n YET another one... even when i keep falling into the same pit. i believe all of us have our ONE pit that we keep falling into. but God never gives up on us. He doesn't even get tired of us saying sorry for the same mistakes we make! as long as we come back to Him, He forgives us of ALL, n i mean ALL our sins!!

Another Chance

He was always there
gave me all the love n care
but i strayed a lil too far
i fell a lil too deep
couldn't get out on my own
never have i felt so alone...

PRE-CHORUS
n so i cried out
cried out to my one true Saviour

CHORUS
n He came to my rescue
with loving arms that i once knew
pulled me out of that pit
never thought that i would get
yet another chance
yes, another chance

now i thought that i was strong
thought i knew how to get along
but again darkness conquered
n i felt lost more than ever
but i remembered there was somebody
who would never leave nor forsake me

PRE-CHORUS
CHORUS

BRIDGE
u might think u have no hope
u might think u've fallen too far
but don't u know He intercedes for u?
don't u know He's fighting for u?
He already died n rose for u
so whenever ur away from Him,

PRE-CHORUS 2
u just need to cry out
cry out to your one true Saviour

CHORUS 2
n He'll come to ur rescue
with loving arms u once knew
pull u out of that pit
always know that u would get
yet another chance
yes, another chance

. :NOSTALGIA: .

i had this sudden urge to go through my old letters. i realized that that's something that i stopped doing for years. my close friends n cousins n i used to write letters to each other pretty often. i guess the older we get, the more we tend to neglect people n take things for granted.

i mainly went through letters from this close friend of mine from church. we grew up in Grace Assembly together. we were extremely close between the year 1999-2001. well, the letters i read were during those years. i was 17 n she was 19. but we were close since i was 15 probably. just that we weren't "personal" level close. during those 2 years of writing to each other, we used to write letters almost every week. n we would pass it to each other when we meet in church. we served in children's church, youth, n the music ministry together. was so fun!! all the singing, acting, dancing, performing, playing instruments together... *dreamy look on face*
we were practically involved in every single event or occasion there was, as there were very few of us teens around. (the chinese dept consists of mostly elderly ppl) . we would even be on the worship team almost EVERY sunday. it was a CHICK band then. lol...most of us close girlfriends.

reading through those letters, it made me smile, laugh, even tear. i really miss the friendship we had. how close we were n how much we cared for each other...how excited we were to get each other's letters even though we see each other at LEAST once a week. usually more. n it was such a joy to write. n even make lil tokens of friendship. i wonder why people these days dont do that anymore. maybe it's the technology. there's email n YM n MSN. even so, we dont mail each other that often either. sad..btw, it was so funny reading about our old crushes n "BGR" problems. hahahah..we were so young n naive n innocent.

oh ya! i even came across old postcards from my "first love". :) so cute!! so sweet!! i still have the VERY 1ST postcard he wrote to me-confessing his feelings. gives me a warm fuzzy feeling thinking bout the good ol' days.. MAN!! when ur 18, everything is so exciting!! n things kids in love say to each other are so cute! lol...it brought back many sweet memories. college life was fun. being in love the first time was fun too. grin* we ARE still friends btw.

sigh* NOSTLAGIA....i really thank God for the people he brings into my life. i just wish that none of us has to drift apart. but it happens.. n all we can do is try our best to make an effort to get back in touch, which is what i just did; mailed that precious friend to tell her that i miss her, n still love her lots. :)
"san, thank u for all the letters, the care, the lil gifts, most of all, the friendship u shared with me as we were growing up. i still love u lots!! "

~back problems~

maybe i'm older than i think. sob* been having back pains for more than a week now. it's getting a lil worrying. was talking to melvin last night...n he scared me by giving all the posibilities. nerve out of place, slipped disk...said i better not leave it prolonged, or it could get bad or permanent. hmmm... guess i'll wait n see if it still hurts after next week.
sigh* could it be the way i slept? or dancing? or aerobics? or carrying something heavy? shrug*

"Daddy God...You're the greatest physician..please fix this lil problem in my back...thank You... in Jesus' name...amen!! "

: .puzzled. :

memories of my past...
mistakes i've made...experiences i've been through...
ever since i stepped into "adulthood", for me i consider it 18 n above...
sometimes i wonder if i regret...
or if i'm thankful at the way i turned out...
it's weird though...
sometimes i don't know what's wrong n what's right anymore...
maybe i've put up walls...
maybe i'm just paranoid...
maybe i didn't HAVE enough walls up before this...
n after everything...
at this turning point in my life, maybe it IS time to put up some walls?
shrug*
puzzling...
life is puzzling...

"Daddy...please show me the way..."

LOVE THOSE KIDS!!

gosh!! how can i forget the events that happened this weekend??okay..here goes..

FRI
went to RUMAH TRINITY. there were 20 indian kids there...they're simply adorable & beautiful!! we actually planned 2 games to play with them. but it turned out to be THEM teaching us games instead. here's basically what the scene was when we were there. boys around the age of 14 were climbing all over jia wern n wrestling with him. 2 boys n 2 girls played hand games n took me round the whole house showing me the plants they planted. oh ya... and we played PEPSI-COLA!! yes esther...its PEPSI COLA..not ICE CREAM SODA.. lol..
the "babies"; 4-6 yrs of age stuck to chee kah...guess coz he's like a gentle lamb.. grin*
the 2 baby girls, diana & jennifer stuck to esther n charis most of the time. i played with them when daniel, vicky, christina n prasanth weren't pulling me around la.
i can't remember the rest ler.. but yea..all 11 of us had a few kids who stuck to us throughout our visit. was really fun. n i fell in love with them already.



although our visit only lasted not more than 3 hrs, a bond was formed. n i could feel my heart expand to love these kids. my heart really goes out to them.throughout this whole visit, i was reminded on how my heart is for children. when i used to serve in the children's ministry in my home church, i used to wonder, is this my ministry? is this my calling? now i feel yes, it is. God has put in my heart a special place for kids. it's not just a feeling of sympathy for these orphans..but i really LOVE them. don't really know how to explain it. it was sad when we had to leave. i really felt heavy hearted to leave them.



after the trip, i also remembered my desire to adopt a child when im married. of coz i want my own children. but some months back, the thought of adopting suddenly crossed my mind. i feel that if i could make a difference in at LEAST 1 child's life, it's worth it. make the world of ONE abandoned kid better...shrug* but of coz, all this will have to be prayed about n all. some ppl think that it isn't possible to love an adopted child as much as ur own flesh n blood. but i dont agree. i really feel that i CAN love an adopted child with all my heart as well. okay...enough bout kids. im not even CLOSE to marriage. so... lol...



that nite...INFEST!! all i gotta say is; THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC!!! esther n i got really high...unfortunately our enthuisiasm wasnt seen in everyone. bleh*

SAT
lenard, luvin, bryan n i followed nicky to get his new wife. :)
in the afternoon...AEROBICS!! talk about working out! my thighs are still aching pretty badly. was totally fun though. was more like learning a dance. kat is a GREAT aerobics instructor!!
that nite...dinner with my JI MUI!! had a good time of catching up.. thanks for dinner ji mui!! HUGZ*

Valentine no more

sad news. valentine is gone. not even a week of her stay with my family...one lil careless mistake...n she found a way out the gate. SOB SOB* someone else probably has her now. all we can do is pray that God is looking after her, n she found a good home... : ( everyone is a lil shaken by it, coz she was a really good n smart pup. was learning fast.
sigh* i dont even wanna talk bout it anymore. it's too saddening.

AnGeR

it's scary when Anger pops in. the worst thing is, when he does, u don't really want him to leave. weird huh?
the bad thing is, if u go to sleep with him still there, he won't be gone when u wake up. Anger isn't like a tummy ache that disappears by morning. he just sits there...influences ur dreams sometimes. n when u wake, he's STILL sitting there. so how do we get rid of Anger so that he won't affect our whole day? it's easy to say "talk to God..." but like i said, isn't it true that sometimes when Anger is there, we kindda like his company. it's as if we just wanna dwell in that fiery furnace. sigh* HUMANS!!!

CGVCG!!!

almost forgot bout CGVCG!!! man!! the organizers deserve a dinner or something!! MICH. JOSH, NICKY, ALVIN, JOHNNY...im sure they worked really hard to get it together. n they did a REALLY good job!! everyone had fun. all the sweat, the energy, the time...was worth it.from mmu campus to cyberview lodge, to paya indah wetlands, to precint 9 putrajaya, to taman botani, to alamanda, to cyberpark... each team was constantly driving or running around. clues were being solved. things n places were being found. questions were being answered. at the same time, we really enjoyed the company... some teams were helping each other out, even though we are from different CG's. it was nice to see the unity between CF members as a whole. it was also interesting to see different teams choosing different paths coz there were various ways to complete the race. all in all, it was a fun day. got to see more of cyberjaya n putrajaya then i've ever done since i started studying here. hehe...n i had a great team with me - Lydia, Datin Steph, Desmond & Peter!! wooo hooo!! multi-faculty!! i think we really complimented each other. honestly speaking, i wasn't semangat at all before the race began. but as we went on, everyone was determined to win. n thank GOD, we got 2nd place!!! yeay!! :D i think God was teaching me a lesson as well. n giving me back my semangatness. :) thank u Lord!!!

^VaLeNTiNe^

i have a new family member!! yeay!! :D her name is Valentine. she's black...n cute...n has a wet lil nose... n droopy ears...n a LONG tail... grin*
this is how she came to our home...
car stops outside the house. ben comes down...starts calling at the gate "PET!!!" my sis gets up groggily from her sleep...goes to front door...ben comes in carrying a big box....he holds it out to pet n says "this is for u...early birthday present." he opens the box.. n out pops a lil black head!! eeEEeEeee....leona, esther n i start squealing..the lil darling had a bright green ribbon tied to her waist too (my sis' favourite colour).i asked pet, "what u gonna name her??!!" all she said was, "sleepy la..wanna go back to sleep.. heh..," *sheepish smile* n goes back to bed.
SIGH* what la that gurl!!! so leona & i ended up playing with her till my parents got home. n we had to leave back to cyber. sniff* so sad.. i miss her already....btw, she's a lil black labrador pup. apparently mixed with alsation. but doesnt look it at all. wwhhhheeee!!! cant wait to go home!!!

"Thank You God for the new member in our family..."

*FLasHbAcKs*

flashbacks...
heart skipping a beat...
hoping...
getting closer...
falling...
head over heels...
excited...
loving...
caring...
bliss...
contented...
happy...

but they're all just memories, hitting me unexpectedly like a blow to the head. at the moment, they still hurt. but someday, i'm sure they'll be sweet...someday....

-BE FAITHFUL-

last nite, i was suddenly struck by discouragement n a weird feeling of dullness...don't wanna mention the cause of it. but i just felt so low...so "tak bersemangat". was questioning myself why?? was asking God why?? even asked a few friends why?? in fact, i felt guilty bout feeling this way. i shouldn't be feeling this way...ARGH!! think i need a TIGHT SLAP in the face!! well...was talking to weeliem bout how i was feeling...n he greatly encouraged me with these 2 words - "BE FAITHFUL". yea...i guess that's all God wants us to do. be faithful. he's not gonna ask us how many souls we saved. he's not gonna ask us how many churches we built. he's not gonna ask us how much did we multiply our CG. He's not even gonna ask us how "holy" we were here on earth. but He WILL ask us how we used our gifts n talents...how we continued to run the race even when it was so hard...how we still served him n pressed on when things got rough. i wanna continue running the race. i wanna keep using n expanding my talents. i wanna serve Him all my life even in the little things; n even when it seems to be pointless. "God, give me the strength to keep going."

. :IRONY: .

isn't it funny that some people can ask for favours...but not return them?
isn't it funny that some guys are playing the girl's role?
isn't it funny how when u lack prayer, things start going wrong?
isn't it funny how people u were so close with can become strangers?
isn't funny how this world is so ironic?
yea...i know all these questions have nothing in common whatsoever...they're just certain things that crossed my mind lately.

speaking about irony...let me name some ironic things that happened to me. BESIDES the usual "spoon landing in the middle of the sink causing water to splash all over ourselves" or "we're ALWAYS on the slowest lane in the traffic jam", these are the few ironic things that i've experienced n noticed lately:

-everytime esther n i happen to talk about or mention someone, that person seems to weirdly appear around us...like walking past us...or is somewhere in sight...or appears online... FREAKY!!

-my car works fine EVERTIME the mechanic or someone ELSE checks it. but misbehaves when I'M driving it.

-our lecturer announced that lab was gonna start 2 saturdays back. so we were asked to check our schedules. n we were NOT allowed to change our date of experiment. he wasn't gonna except any excuses. i was PRAYING that i WONT be the 1st group that saturday coz i really couldn't make it. was working that day.esther was thinking to herself "NAH...cant be THAT ironic!" well, guess WHAT! my lab was schedule to be on THAT saturday! GEE THANKS!!

-the sun seems to shine REALLY brightly evertime we need to walk. it happily hides behind clouds when we dont need it to...when we're still in the shade. ONCE we step out into the open air, it starts roasting us.

these things ever happen to u before? or am i the only one???? *puzzled look on face*

pretty interesting weekend

left cyber friday afternoon to have a look at the doggy i'm hoping to adopt. but daddy ain't too keen...sigh*
met shern's look-alike! cool!! hahaha...
car was still giving problems...it's being such a b**** (mind my language). but seriously....it jerks like mad and 'sei fuo" when i'm driving around...those who have experienced the "excitement" with me would know what i'm talking about. unfortunately, my car is ALIVE!! n it's smart! it act's PERFECTLY fine whenever SOMEONE, ANYONE, is testing it to find the problem. even the whole of this morning , it didn't act up at all. i guess it knew i was taking it to the workshop. then...when it finally realized that i was sending it to the mechanic no matter what, i had to start pissing me off..especially at traffic lights. and AS EXPECTED, it was a very good girl with the mechanic. and as usual (after 4 times at a diff mech) i drove her home HOPING she'd work. n guess what, it started jerking, n even died in the middle of the road at the traffic lights when i was picking becky up from center point. SIGH* why am not surprised? need to really pray n rebuke the lil demons who are messing up my engine!! shrug* who knows rite?
was really asking God, WHY is this happening? to test my patience?? the devil trying to piss me off? hmmm... questions questions questions!!

anyways...back to my weekend. worked on Sat. was so boring this week!!! no one to give the leaflets to. taipan was so dead. thank God i was working with JO!! we had so much to catch up on. so work that day was practically walking around...chatting....eating...chatting...giving leaflets....chatting...eating...chatting..... yea! u get the picture. lol...
after that, we went to KL to yum cha with our "supervisor" n the supervisor from the other venue. was fun!! grin*

next was movie with baby tze n ah yoong. :) been sometime since i hung out with them. was really nice. n the NEW POLICE STORY is a MUST watch!!! the good guys are cool... the BAD guys are cool!! u kindda tend to like everyone in the movie! hehe...n DANIEL WOO IS A HUNK!!!! *drool* not to mention, 2 of the bad guys reminded me of guys i know. damn funny. but they're damn "yau yeng" lor.

after the movie, met up with 3 dear friends whom i haven't seen for REALLY long!! didn't realize how much i missed them till i saw them. the whole night, jo, steve, sun, joan n i were laughing our guts out and going hysterical. or maybe it was just us 3 gurls la. :P was marvelous chillin with them. hope to see them more often - "the karaoke gang"!!

sunday....church..in the NEW PLACE!!! awesome!!! then had to rush of to meet a special friend who was gonna bring my car to his mechanic. he's specialized with my type of engine. BUT...oh well....u know the rest of the story...
BAH!! stupid car!

once again..cannot drive back to cyber... :( after fetching becky n shernie to my house and watching smallville n m'sian idol, engie had to fetch us all back. good thing was, we got to see his place in CYBER HEIGHTS!!! oh my gosh!! it's SOOOOO DDAAARRNNN BBEEAAUUTTIIIFFOOOLLL!!! becky wants to move in tomorrow!! lol....

yawn* time to sleep... good night world...*snore*... oh wait! i DONT snore.. :P *silence*

healthy??

whoa!! im suddenly feeling healthy!! haha... not when it comes to food though.. let's see...captain ball last nite was AWESOME!!! the response was so good, i think all of us were surprised! n THANK GOD it didnt rain!! well... i think i haven't sweated that much for ages!!! n my face was so flushed!! like a tomato!! muahaha.. i thought the games were really good coz EVERYONE was bonding so well!! there was no fighting! no spitefullness! everyone just played "lovingly" if i could put it that way. there was really good sportmanship among every single person there. & to end it with a dinner together with more fellowship...the whole nite was...just..AWESOME... :P
thanks mich n dez for organizing it!! really should have it more often.

this morning...morning glory...then breakfast...then SWIMMING with weeliem & mich... it was nice! the sun was coming up...slowly making the pool like glistening crystal... simply BEAUTIFUL!!
after class...esther n i went to the GYM!! woo hoo!! for 10 mins! LOL... just wanted to use their dumbells ler..
but yea...feeling healthy...been exercising more i think.. grin*
BUT ...the only lack is GOOD food here...or finance for good food... oh well... be thankful with whatever we have.. :)

Phil 4:8
Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things.

~~~~~~~~~

to the person i used to make happy...but have now brought tears...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
why do you cause me so much guilt?
why do you make me feel so bad?
was all that we ever built
made of sadness and pain and regret?

didnt i give you my all?
maybe my all was too much to give
coz it took you away from me
and now i dont know how to live

if only i could erase the hurt
if only i could give you everything you want
if only i could take away the pain
but i very well know that i can't
there's only one person who can
He's our very own Daddy in heaven
just give Him your hand
and He'll lead you places you wont even imagine

so forgive me when i say, goodbye
i believe i've caused enough pain
it's time for you to fully rely
on our God Almighty, Comforter & Friend.

i will always love you
you will always be dear to me...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

don't we all wish we could turn back time? change things we did? change the way things turned out? i guess everything happens for a reason. it's comforting to know God's in control. but sometimes it's so hard to trust Him.
"Lord..take my away my unbelief."

I miSS...

people i miss:

-zach baby
-zher dearest
-wai foong
-michelle see
-kristy
-micah

*sigh* wish there was teleportation service.

. :GLOW: .

I wrote this specially for Leona darling...
hope u like it dear...really wanna see u smiling again....laughing again.. HUGZ*

Glow
I see you there
you're smiling
but something's wrong
there's no glow
there's no joy

My beloved friend
don't you know that
without your laughter
my world's a lil dimmer
my world's a lil darker
my world's a lil quieter

I know things ain't going your way
disappointments cloud your path
but God is always there
His light shines brighter than the sun
so let His love & joy shine through
coz

My beloved friend
don't you know that
without your laughter
my world's a lil dimmer
my world's a lil darker
my world's a lil quieter

1st day at work

well, 1st day of THIS particular job that is... wei mee, lily & i were looking forward to it coz we were hoping to work together. there were 4 of us who clicked well, but only 3 of us were put together. oh well...no complains..
so...FIRST day of the job...CHAOS!! our shorts arrived late. the blades arrived late. our blades were falling apart even before we started blading!! what lousy old stock they must've given us!! in the end, our boss just bought duct tape to tape it up n secure our ankle area. how sad huh! at least the blades were black....so... not TOO obvious.
finally ready! with our standard chartered T-shirts, white shorts, elbow n knee pads....OFF WE GOOOO!!!.......oh no..uneven ground...try to turn to a stop...wHoA WhOa wHoA!!! *SPLAT* ouch! my poor bum! LOL... thank God that was the only time i fell - beFORE we started giving out the leaflets. one poor girl fell twice in front of people. wince*
at the end of the 3 hours...SWEATING like a pig....feet & ankles hurting like mad! boy were we grateful to take the blades off!!

speaking about the job, i suddenly realized that my prayers have been answered. i remember when they announced about the final year students mission trip in CF; my heart skipped a beat when i heard the word "Thailand". i knew i had to go. when i first decided to be part of the mission team to Thailand & Cambodia even though i'm not a final student, i was doubtful about how i was gonna get RM1000 in time. when i asked mummy about it, all she said was "If u choose to go on this mission, & u feel God is calling u to, He will provide...just pray." & so i did. but i was still doubtful. 1000 bucks is alot! for me that is.
but by the end of this holiday, plus another 2 saturdays of work, i would've raised more than half the cash i need for this trip. i know it's all God's doing...the jobs that came along..the timing of the jobs..it is all His perfect timing. "THANK YOU SWEET JESUS!!!"

night : watched a movie with a childhood friend. was cool. amazing how time flies...we were remembering the times we used to play catching n hide & seek. lol...it was all so long ago..
talked on the phone with someone dear to me...with NO fighting at last. left me with many questions...many memories...painful thoughts...*SIGH*

-LiFe GoEs On-

complications

why does something so simple become so complicated?
why does a day of fun turn into a night of thoughts & worries?
why does closeness bring guilt?
why do friendships have to be questioned?
why does talking only lead to fights?
why must people be affected by my actions?
why do i even exist?
why why why??

the CORRECT answer - God created me for a purpose...that i'm yet to find out...n i shouldn't focus on these lil problems in life... but i'm human...n it's difficult. i just feel sorry for those around me who are hurting as well...wish i could take it all away...

"to those whom i have hurt...i never meant to...i'm sorry i added to the scars...i'm sorry i existed in your life. if i had 1 wish...i would wish we'd have never met, if it reduces the pain u face."

CoNtEnTeD

i somehow feel...contented...maybe coz yesterday & today were very eventful & NOT spent on bumming around.

THURS: went to visit a Mal's mom & bro...it's been more than half a year since i saw them..so thought it was bout time i paid them a visit. took the lrt to Dang Wangi...walked down memory lane to the condo. MAN...it's so long ago...but many events are still clear in my mind. i was thinking to myself "do i regret choosing this path?"...not really...i guess i wouldn't be who i am now if not for the joys & tears i had to endure during my younger years.
so anyway...took the lift up to the 34th floor. oops! i keep forgetting the floor they live on. was greeted at the door by BOTH parents...all so warm n smiley. it was REALLY good to see them. felt like the good ol' days. well..as usual they tried to stuff me with food... i updated them bout my life... mal's mom was VERY happy to hear that i'm single.. LOL...she's so cute. still wants me to be her daughter in law...grin* she even did my nails after that. some nail art thingy. damn cool. she gave me some to do on my own.
rewinding a lil...beFORE the nail part...TUNG HONG comes back from school!! boy hasn't he grown!! he was much smaller than me when i gave him tuition. but now he's bout the same height. AND becoming very good-looking. can tell he's a gurl magnet just like his brother!! :P
& sooo...aunty, tung hong n i went for lunch..n shopping...n dinner (with uncle)...basically i spent the WHOLE day with them. it was super fun!
but WAIT! the fun has not ended...night as come.. it's GURL'S NITE OUT!! woo hooo!! rushed back from kl...took a quick shower...waited for baby (pei tze) to reach my house n then OFF to bangsar!! i thought it was gonna be 5 gurls (all from prime coll), but there were 2 other gurls. & man did we click fast! ALL of us clicked so well that we're now planning a holiday (STRICTLY GURLS) at the end of the year. hope it isn't all talk n no action.
hmmm..havent hung out with so many girls for a long time...as my friends would know, majority of my friends are guys. n it gets boring sometimes.. "NO OFFENCE guys!! i still love u all..." :P it's just that i think gurls need to hang out with their species once in awhile. it's really refreshing. u gurls out there should know what i mean. i havent laughed so much in a long time.
Sunny, Pei Tze, Nellie, Jocelyn, Mei (May) & Voon...U CHICKS ROCK!!! :D

FRI: took lrt (AGAIN) & monorail to KL, looking or Menara Shazan. damn sesat man...had to ask directions a couple of times. apparently it's called Menara Prime or something now. well, i had to be there to meet with the "employer" whom i'm gonna work for the following saturdays. it was funny how we girls slowly bunched together. it was because it was SO obvious that we're out of place; the odd ones out. EVERYONE there are dressed formally for work..n there's us girls wearing jeans, denim skirts, tank tops, sleeveless tops. the more girls arrived..the noisier we got. LOL...it's cool how fast we made friends and started chatting like old time buddies.
when our boss arrived, we proceeded to be briefed by the client. i'm actually looking forward to this "roller-blading" job. something new. plus it's just distributing fliers. no sales required. yeay!

friday nite...met up with my old church friends. catching up on the months we havent met up. bumped into a few more friends at william's (best cheese naan).. one whom i haven't seen for years. was good getting in touch with her again.

all in all it's been a great week. hols are ending..but im looking forward to seeing all my beloved friends in cyber. miss them all greatly.... 2nd SEM!! HERE I COME!!

*croaking* (losing voice) :(

:.gRateFuLLnEss.:

results were out yesterday. it was a time of suspense. my results would determine the rest of my holidays; back to cyber to study, OR bumming around somemore...
all this time i was just praying that i won't fail more than 1. i was so sure i didnt pass at least 1. i felt i did really badly. especially power systems. MAN!! i was just stoning in the exam room. couldnt think. couldnt concentrate. my mind was somewhere else. was emotionally unstable. i thought that was it. no chance to pass that paper.... usually i'm pretty sure of passing my papers. but this sem, i was pretty sure i would fail.
opening student info centre...achievements... praying praying praying...hoping hoping hoping...
pass...pass...pass...pass...pass...pass... OH MY GOSH!! I CAN'T BELIEVE MY EYES!!! i passed all 5 subjects!!!! still staring at my results....the only words that cross my mind are "LORD!!!thank You SOOO MUCH!!!"
just when i thought there was no hope. just when i thought God couldn't help me...He did. it's always easy to say "Trust in Him", but when it comes to exams, it's a different story.
i know my cgpa has dropped. but passing when i thought i would fail is good enough. & i want ALL the glory to be given to Jesus...i couldn't be more thankful than this.

I'm forever grateful

to You

I'm forever grateful

for the Cross

I'm forever grateful

to You

That You came

to seek and save the lost.

OUCH!!

all i can say is PPAAAIINNNN!!!! my throat hurts...hope i dont come down with the flu or something...n my ear piercing hurts!! think it's infected. sigh* it's red n swollen n hot. :( sucks!!
*frown*

WHAT'S WRONG?!?!

what's wrong with me?!?! i seem to have a talent in getting ppl upset or pissed off. sigh*
maybe only one person who knows what i'm talking about would be reading this. & i'm sorry again... guess i'm just a nuisance on this earth.

3 dates

yesterday...

1. had a wonderful "date" with a close friend. guess we haven't been spending much time together due to all the happenings in our individual lives. but yesterday was a time to catch up and just find out how each other was doing..."thanks wee wee for a great day!!" :) hugz* (hope i don't get whacked by all his fans)

2. 9pm...met up with 3 gurlfriends in bangsar...was really great seeing sunny, nellie n jocelyn. we used to hang out when we were in prime. but went our separate ways after that. we really went thru alot together during those "prime days". lol... good AND bad. well, we had alot of good laughs...n aLOT of picture taking... grin* GURLS!!! too bad 2 of them had to leave early. nvm...we're having another gurly day out next week... WOO HOO!! cant wait!!!
(just hope exam results wont ruin everything...*fingers crossed*)

3. well, met up with kor kor after that. supper...part of a movie with his cute lil brother...then yum cha again with his friend...THEN home to bed. :P

MAN!!! the days have been just flying by!! hols are almost over.... NNNOOOooOOoOooOoOoo....

-LaSt NiGhT-

dinner + foosball + yum cha + latte @ 8....free coffee...jason lo, adam & marriane (how to spell ar?) live + ona's craziness + good company + pool = a pleasant night of fun & laughter
*GRIN*

hurts

It only hurts when u cry
I'm only sad when there's tears in your eyes
I can't lie and say that I'm fine
It only hurts when u cry

hApPy HoLiDaYz??

hmmmm..it's been a long time since i've been here. guess i got lazy after it died. tried updating it earlier today but something's wrong with blogger la. cant republish anything.
n now i gotta type everything again. SIGH*
well, exams was sucky. wasnt in a good emotional condition at that time, so i guess it affected my studies abit. really hoping and praying that i won't fail more than 1 paper. :(
after exams, went to CF camp in PD. was SOOOO looking forward to the SUN, SEA, SAND and...not gurls lar... BUT, boy were we disappointed!! kena con man!!! it was hardly a beach!! maybe 2-3 feet of sand only.. lol...oh well, it was a fun camp even thought we didnt get our sun, sea and sand. got to know a few ppl better... AND do some catching up with ppl whom i couldnt see during exam period.
i personally thought it was a good camp coz we were made to ponder upon things we usually DONT think about. its pretty scary though, thinking bout how much we really love Jesus. we easily say we do, but how far are we really willing to go for Him? i hope that one day i can TRULY mean what i sing; "i would go to the ends of the earth for You", "i would run for a thousand years...swim to the ocean floor..", "Lord, i give You my heart, i give You my soul, i live for You alone.."
there was ONE bad thing about camp. i had a few things on my mind that were bothering me. couldnt sleep the first nite, which is weird for me. i usually fall asleep within a minute of my head touching the pillow. :P thank God i got to clear things up after camp. spent time chatting with someone and cleared all misunderstandings and assumptions. glad to be friends again...great to have u back!! u know who u are... grin*
after camp it was WORK WORK WORK!!made new friends... most of the gurls i worked with were nice and pleasant to work with. was pretty fun la overall...DESPITE the screw up on the last day. but yea, i dont wanna go there. oh ya!! played with many ADORABLE kids too!! :D
went to MALAYSIAN IDOL on friday. was pretty fun.. :P mich, david, sarah and i got to sit at Vick's family & friends' seats!! grin*
after the 4 days of work...it's been lepak lepak lepak....chill chill chill...bumming bumming bumming...feels great having nothing to do!! after the stressful sem, i really needed this.
btw, EHTER DAHLING....i miiissss uuuuuuu......

brain dead

cold..freezing actually...brain isn't working...stuck...fickle...can't decide...what question? oh no...the clock is ticking...c'mon...decide!!! think think think!!! God help me....
rush rush rush!! brain is dying...body is freezing...bladder is about to burst...no...no time to pee... write somemore...squeezing my brain dry.................tick tock tick tock.....TIMES UP!!! *sigh*

-happenings in the exam room this morning-

*GASP* oh my gosh!!! my blog is AALLIIVVEE!!!! YYEEAAYY!!! :D i revived it!!!
sigh* no time to post anything anyway... stupid exams are just around the corner...im SOOOO BORED!!! need to go out and do something!! argh!
patience...patience... back to studying..... :

~gone~

littlest things...

  last night during CF committee prayer, weeliem shared a lil testimony reminding us that God isn't just interested in the big things in our lives, but the little as well... & guess what!!! I experienced that this morning!!
  i overslept again...woke up feeling very disappointed in myself for missing this tutorial again...thoughts of getting barred crossed my mind...so anyway, i got up to check mmls if i could replace my tutorial...took really long to load the page...finally... announcements:
"tutorial classes ECA04, ...(n 2 others) have been cancelled because i'm on leave. will resume next week."   
WOO HOO!! thank u Jesus for letting me oversleep!! if not i would have gone all the way to class just to come back. i would've probably been searching the whole FOE building for my class too.. :P  well...be reminded that God cares for even the smallest things in your life. like wasting time going to a cancelled class, & like weeliem being reminded of something at the exact right timing.
~HE'll be a real friend if u only let HIM~

POT!!

this post is specially dedicated to my POT (Power Of Three) group...althought NONE of them would be reading this.  well, this G12 system was launched a few weeks back. & sunday night was our 1st REAL meeting...we were to meet at boon wei's house in puchong. so pastor's wife came to my house n i tailed her car there, after fetching 3 other gurls; 1 followed my car.
was surprised when both of us actually started opening up & sharing bout our current problems & things we've been through. i already see potential close relationships within our POT. well, 2 of us were so into our chat that we didnt pay attention to the roads at all. sigh* forgot the way there.
...entering boon wei & jay's home.... WHOA!!! it's soooo neat & clean & cosy & beautiful!! even has a beautiful view overlooking KL, with Genting in sight. dinner was AWESOME!! made our own popiahs.. hehe... and had watermelon & ice-cream for desert. we also created our very own "ice-cream popiah"!! was pretty good..EVERYONE started trying it.
the whole night was so filled with laughter...we all actually clicked better than i thought we would. really thank God for putting me in this group with a bunch of GREAT GURLS!!  can't wait to get to know them better.  :D  looking forward to our future cell meetings...woo hoo!!

~'butterfly effect' is an awesome movie! last night was nice..company was nice too~

heaviness

this is the time of the semester that i hate. assignment due dates...finals...even MIDTERM aint totally over. sigh*  24 hrs just doesn't seem enough sometimes..

what's wrong with me? what's with this feeling of heaviness? gloom...tiredness maybe...stress? don't really know what's bothering me. *sigh*
"Heavenly Father i just pray that You'll remove this spirit of heaviness from me...whatever may be  causing it..& Lord i just place my life in Your hands once again...fill me & help me live life abundantly just as You desire me to.  In Jesus' name, amen.."

random things..

just completed my lab report - the LAST one for this sem!! woo hoo!! ....but 2 more assignments to go...& i havent even started..man!! i gotta stop procrastinating!!!

it's cold..so nice to sleep...i see mui mui ehter sleeping peacefully, curled under her blanket...i wanna do that tooooo...but no..i've had my sleep. must start doing work. but before that, just need to update on the past happenings.

main things i recall:
worship during CF this week was good...i felt like the worship environment was pretty high compared to certain weeks when it just feels dry. thanks charis for doing a great job leading us in worship. im reminded, that worhip is not something that WE get something out of (although songs DO minister to us n all). but the TRUE reason for worship is to give unto GOD. He deserves ALL praise & glory. & that's what we express through songs & clapping of hands etc..
   the topic for CF was FORGIVENESS. when we were asked to say a silent prayer & release the person whom we have not forgiven from our heart's prison, i couldnt think of anyone. after searching my heart, & asking God about it, i realized that there WAS someone i was feeling bitter & holding a grudge against. it just hurts when a friend whom u thought the world of, proves u wrong, & u start realizing that ur being used, & that the person ain't sincere...well, i let it go on tuesday. :)

wed was mainly a day to study for my microwave test on thurs. was really worried bout it, but thank God, it turned out better than i expected.
   spent the rest of thurs with an old friend who came back from uk. esther, ju, his fren ken & myself practically did nothing in summit. lol.. played a lil pool...lepaked around...had dinner in sushi king...was fun la.. :P 
the "down" of the day was the arguments i was having with a special friend. sigh*  i always ask this question.. "why do we always hurt the ones we love?". i hate all this! i wish i could be the only one hurting. i cant stand the ppl around me suffering because of me.
still trusting God to work all things out for good..

sigh*  im tired...n lazy to continue blogging... shall end here.. cant wait to see the melakans & someone who says i've been "abaikan"ing later... DREAMS THAT ROCK, here we come!!  (hope we get new dreams & visions!)

 

 

 

PG165 rocks!!

   1st things 1st....PG165 ROCKS!! :D  for those who don't know what the heck i'm talking about, PG 165 is JasonTeoh, Justin, Vijay, & Zhen Xin's band. taking it from the beginning...
FRI: becky, mich, leona, weeliem & i were all packed to head down to melaka...weeliem & leona were going home. but us 3 other gurls were going down SPECIALLY to support our beloved friends' band in the Battle of the Bands. yes..we didn't go for the food, or for fun...but sincerely just to support PG165!!
   so...weeliem practically flew down to mlk. we reached in bout an HOUR starting from the highway. he's really proud of it! lol...reached mlk & immediately dropped by to visit the celebrities-to-be. unfortunately they had to practice for the BIG DAY. so we went to look for food without them. JoashYap came along with us. & we had a REAL entertaining time with him. :P  bad thing was it attracted a lil TOO much attention. grin*
   flying through some events - went back to weeliem's...watched wedding singer with becky (fell asleep most of the time)...chatted with her till bout 4am...really enjoyed our sista to sista bonding & heart to heart talk. "love u becky dear!! may the Holy Spirit continue to fill u with His peace & joy."....awoke to a call at bout 6am (cried a lil again)...greeted weeliem's parents when they got up but 7am...chatted with darling jo anne...went back to sleep...got up at 12pm...had brunch with becky, mich, weeliem...met up with mark, soly & joash in tesco...lepaked at soly's place till 6.30pm...then comes the MAIN EVENT!!!  BOTB!!
 
we were first in line...couldnt wait to get in...sat right in front. the 1st guest band performed..Krong...OH MAN!!! ouch ouch ouch!! we all got a lil deaf from that 1st performance! sigh* it killed our semangat for awhile. PG165 was the 9th band to perform...so we had to suffer screamings, screechings, ear piercing noise for a few hours. there were a few good bands of coz. but MOSTLY noise. FINALLY!! PG165!!! u should've heard the supporting screams n shouts from the "fan club". lol.. SUDDENLY we were awake & on our toes!! they were AWESOME as expected!! making our night worth it. best thing was, JESUS' name was proclaimed through Jason's song to the whole hall filled with hundreds? a thousand? i believe that beCAUSE they made a stand to declare our Lord's name even though MOST of the crowd was made up of malays, God lifted them up in return. they not only won 1st runner up, but also best vocalist-Jason, best drummer-Vijay, best self-composed song. WOO HOOO!!!... we were estatic!!! couldn't stop screaming..couldn't sit still... :D  yea..the eardrum killing experience was worth it.  seeing them win so many awards....we couldn't have been happier... :)
 
note: i was praying before the event, "Lord, You created music..You created instruments..may Your favour be upon PG165 as they have chosen to proclaim Your name. even though Satan has been using music for his own good, I pray that tonight, PG165 WILL win, because music inspired by You is the most beautiful music of all. in Jesus' name, AMEN!"
 
Jason, Justin, Vijay, ZhenXin...CONGRATS once again!! u guys rock!! :P
 
p/s: soly...thank u SO MUCH for preparing us beds...even though we only got to sleep on them for a lil more than 2 hours. thanks for ur hospitality & for being such a great host!! not forgetting the milo in the morning! :D  so sorry that u had to stay up to wake us though...
 
-tired- 
 
 
  
 
 

falling..

falling again...weeping again...can't breathe...
Holy Spirit help me.....

More Than Life

Stand by everything You said
Sand by the promises we made
Let go of everything I've done
I'll run into Your open arms
And all i know

I love You more than life
I love You more than life

Fall back on everything You've done
Fall back on everlasting arms
When all the world is swept away
You are all the things I need
You're the air i breathe

How can it be
You were the One on the cross
Lifted for all our shame?
How can it be
The scars in Your hands are for me?
You are the King of all


this song is getting more & more relevant to me

FRIENDSHIP

the weeks are getting shorter...the days are getting shorter...this is the time we wish there was more than 24 hours in a day. it's scary how fast time flies. before we know it, we're gonna be graduated..working..married..with kids...lol...

this week has been somewhat "peaceful". no explosions..no breakdowns... tuesday after CF, few of us got pretty high. i dunno man!! we kindda got over-hyper! :P people involved- Becky, Esther, Lenard, & I. havent laughed like that in a while. :) was refreshing!! i guess it all started when becky n i were trying to make up our minds bout whether to go to BOTB in melaka.
we did 4 things to help us decide (from "one-two-jus"ing to counting tiles to...ahem* sensored!....HAHAHHA..only those involved will know).. well, weirdly, ALL 4 times the answer was YES! sigh* must be fated to go. BUT only for our 3 beloved friends Justin, Jason & Vijay.. yeah man!! they're gonna get 1st place!! :D

met up with an old friend who's back from UK for hols yesterday. was a real spontaneous thing. but it turned out to be quite a fun day-pool, bishi bashi (i got thrashed!), chillin' at Arios TWICE.. haven't seen him for more than a year. & surprisingly, after all the crap we've been thru (lotsa misunderstanding & feud between friends), we got along really well yesterday. think we've both matured since the last time we were close. the chatting online bit must've helped when we got in touch again few months back.

received a call from a friend's dad last night. was really grieved by it. knowing what this friend & his dad is going through leaves me feeling so helpless...all i could do was PRAY hard...asking God to do something...comfort them..strengthen them... sigh* i just gotta trust God that He'll work ALL things out for GOOD for those who love Him.

going back to the previous paragraph..speaking bout misunderstandings with friends...last night i led CHUP cg into a discussion about problems we face in friendships & relationships. i hope it benefited everyone...opening some of our eyes to problems that we may not face but our friends do. ALL of us face different problems, because we're ALL made different. a conclusion that was made last nite:
1) Learn to admit our feelings & to talk about them
2) DO not gossip
3) Allow for differences of opinion
4) Be quick to FORGIVE

if we allow these petty reasons & differences to break us up, we're just making Satan very happy. so, learn to accept each other for who they are. if God, who is perfect, can accept US, why can't WE accept each other?

STOOpid!!

just when u think nothing else can go wrong...SOMETHING does. it's a wonder how down n shitty exams can make u feel...esPECIALLY when everyone ELSE got the answer n U didnt.
ARGH!! it's like, HOW STOOPID CAN U BE??? im getting scared...it's 3rd year already...n my grades are dropping.. how do i pull myself up? can't i even get 2nd class upper?? SIGH* LORD help me....

eventful week?

been wanting to blog since wednesday or thursday but havent found the time.. sigh* i guess alot has been happening in the past few days.

WED: ehter mui mui's bag got stolen. :( few close friends were really down.
later that nite (more like early the next morn) around 4pm,i
was tempted to crash my car due to a big argument i had. was a really emotional,
hysterical nite. sigh* details will not be mentioned here. i was thinking to myself, WHAT'S WRONG WITH
THE PAST FEW DAYS?!?! spiritual attack or something!! really need to put on our
armour man!! n HACK at those pesky demons!!

THURS: went for a friend's farewell BBQ. it was okay, besides the awkwardness i was feeling toward someone at the party. i didn't get to spend enough time with zher as i had hoped to. but what to do? there were many other ppl he had to layan. was glad that i got to pray for him though. :P

FRI: saw engie's elephant foot!! lol...poor dear..sprained his ankle pretty badly. it looked like a lil "pau". took him to the clinic. had to go for x-ray in case something was wrong. thank God nothing was. but he blame me pulak for wasting his money. :( sniff*

SAT: met up with ZHER & other friends at dharoos at almost 3am. that was the last few hours we were gonna have with him. :( so sad...once again i didnt get to talk to him as much as i wanted to, coz he was PREOCCUPIED! hmph* stayed up with him till 6am. 4 of us (teko,neville,dinesh & i) went to send him off at KLIA. 2hrs countdown. good thing he "berbonding" with us in the car since he didnt at the mamak. sigh* felt the burden of letting him go.
at KLIA, the clock was ticking. can't believe he's actually leaving...SO SOON!!

zher, just wanna thank u again for always being there for me...know that u'll always be special..& that i'm gonna miss u lots. although u say nothing will change, i still feel that a part of my life is missing (flew off to aussie liao). plz take care...& keep in touch...& DONT FORGET US BACK HERE OKAY!! or i'll kick ur ass!! :P may God bless u in everything u do, & may His angels watch over u day & night. *BIG BEAR HUG*

BbBbBrrRrrr...

i..i.i..it..it's f..frr..frrreezing...c..c..ccoldd.... BbbBRrrRrrr.... shiver* natural air-cond man!! & my bed is calling out to me...my BLANKET is calling out to me... i should be warmly tucked in bed now... but i thought i had better leave some jottings ere before i retire to bed.

this weekend was...kindda nice i guess...got along with someone better than i thought i would. spent some time with a friend who's leaving this sat...but will see him one more time on thurs after my POWER SYSTEM'S test. (YES ZHER! im talking bout u ) speaking bout tests, su chen has been giving us tuition... SO SWEET OF HER!! su chen's an ANGEL...a REALLY SMART one!!

hmmm..on sunday i got to meet engie's chun sis, really polite dad & super nice mom! :)
something bad happened on sunday, but i shall not go there...

yawn* my mind is blank now...too sleepy. basically monday n tuesday has been hectic for me. 6 hrs class on both days. went to the gym today. had to before my musCLES deteriorate. (not like i have much though)...went to CF...had tuition...going to bed now.. *flops onto bed* zzZZzzZzzZzzZzzzz......

stabilized

i just realized, im not a constant person. i will sometimes suddenly get into a blogging frenzy & post lotsa stuff. & then i wont log on for days. heh...

well, the past week has really been something. roller coaster ride. up & down. laughing crying.... but it has stabilized, thank God.

Tuesday we had a killer paper!! wasnt even a paper! i dunno what it was!!! definitely not something in my level of intelligence. (yes...i hear some kutuking coming up) but yea. practically died in there. went for cf after the test to be reminded of the end times.. u know..i'm not afraid of dying, but TORTURE??!! *shudder* watched BOO in monsters inc that nite with ehter, lil boy & engie who is deprived of LOTS of good movies!! :P

Wednesday was a "day-off" for me. only attended 1 class out of 3. decided i needed the rest. AND i needed time alone to get my mind of things. didn't have mood for class anyway. so esther & i happily slept from 4-8pm. :P that's what i call a good nap!!
went for BLUR & CHUP cg makan in SOUTH CITY..sound so sophisticated ny.. i didnt even know that area was called that. lol... had good fellowhip with my cg members, & got to know new members from BLUR cg. they're pretty cool n fun ppl.. :)
came home at 12am to find a sleeping beast, ahem*.. i mean beauty in my bed. wink*

Thursday...hmmm...what happened on thurs? OH YA!! 8 hours of class straight!! without breaks!! what the heck! 1st of all i realized the nite before that i had lab the next day; meaning 5 hrs of class non-stop. n THEN when i woke up, i remembered that i had to replace my BHM class. ARGH! added another 3 hrs to the 5 hrs! 5+3=8!! 8am- 4pm man!! well..not exactly 4 pm ler.. ended early..so what's the difference?!! went swimming alone to relieve some stress. was good. went for bible study at 8pm. was really fun! annette never fails to put a smile on our faces.. :)

today...today is a very hot day. period.

p/s: all sensitive & private issues which CAUSED the roller coaster ride has been sensored.

will be meeting a good friend who's leaving to aussie... SOB* gonna miss him so much!! (ZHER u better be reading this! :P )

-baking in my ovenlike room-

What God has to say

EVER FEEL CONDEMNED?
read this =>

Our Daily Bread (June 28)

"thanks weeliem for sharing this with me... :) "

lower than lowest

All my fears came true last night. was confronted. was questioned. was interrogated. called a liar. felt like a b****. felt so cornered. like a dog. like a criminal.
if im not wrong, why all this guilt??? why all this self-condemnation???

"God...if im in the wrong, correct me...if im not, take away this guilt...please..."

-why do we always hurt people we love?-

ME TOO!!

ona!! im the same age as uuu... :P

My inner child is ten years old!

The adult world is pretty irrelevant to me. Whether
I'm off on my bicycle (or pony) exploring, lost
in a good book, or giggling with my best
friend, I live in a world apart, one full of
adventure and wonder and other stuff adults
don't understand.


How Old is Your Inner Child?
brought to you by Quizilla

heading home...

was happy to see weeliem's most adorable sister, jo anne last nite...she was sleeping though. all of us tried to get her to change clothes n brush her teeth but to no avail. she willingly put her arms around me n let me carry her to the bathroom. once i put her down, she just walked groggily back to the bed n pengsan there. so cute! :P
talked to engie a lil on the phone n promised to study ONE page of digital comm. unfortunately, after chatting with weeliem, i fell asleep after reading ONE & a HALF SLIDES! what an achievement huh?

was awakened this morning by a cute lil girl-JO ANNE of coz!! "che che rachel!! wake up!!" grin* dragged myself out of bed. the time was 6.15am. brushed teeth, showered..with jo anne "patiently" waiting outside the bathroom going "che che rachel!!faster la...i wait for u..we go downstairs for breakfast together.."
lol..found out that she didnt even remember me carrying her the nite before.

had breakfast with weeliem's wonderful family.. hmmm...last thing before sleeping-EAT. 1st thing in the morning-EAT! man!!! my stomach still feels bloated! must be indigestion.. :( well, left melaka at 7am. unwillingly said goodbye to weeliem's mom n jo anne. promised to visit them again..

the rest of the morning was just bliss!! met up with s*******. went for breakfast..then "long kai" in subang looking at big houses, n tamans... hung out at a
cool taman; supposedly the best place to watch the sunrise. :) cool! must go there at dawn one day. hmmmm...didnt do much..just alot of talking..laughing..quality time.. ARGUING bout whether the tree was a papaya tree! ish! :P

Sunshine through my window
That's what u are
My shining star
Making me feel
I'm on top of the world
Telling me that I'll go far..
-Gabrielle-

HOLIDAY!!!

man!! it's been AGES since i last blogged!! there's so much to tell..i prob wont be able to remember everything i wanted to say..
i'll tell it day by day starting from sun.

SUN: went to the 1st service at 8.15am at my home church for the father's day service..mostly to see my sis present their dance. was really cool!! unfortunately, adults aren't as enthusiastic as us young ppl..lol...so only I felt like screaming n cheering but reminded myself that this aint a youth church! hehe...gonna ask my beloved sis to teach me the dance!! woo hoo!
anyway, went to "bible" class thingy in Acts. AND 2nd service...semangatnya aku!! :P had dinner with parent's while eagerly waiting for the arrival of the melakans!! bounce* well, they kindda got lost (snicker*) & reached pj bout 10?11? hmmmm...i was in ss2 & guess what! so were they!! had supper in Murni...1st time seeing them ever since IF camp! was really great!! boss, lenard & i were the only "cyberians".

MON: hmmm...what did i do on mon?? OH YA!!! had belated father's day lunch with family & my dad's bro in sis (& their spouses of coz) & my kong kong. they really LEPAKed at my place after that. till bout 7pm. tsk tsk* parents sure do YAK alot too... ended the day with a long long talk with a friend... :)

TUE: spent the WHOLE day with the malakans!! grin* had lunch in BK ss2, went to salvation awhile. then took off to KL!! times square..low yat..sungei wang.. justin & i got ripped off buying new housing for our phones (according to vijay)...jason was a HAPPY MAN!! cool new discman! visited DAMN alot of shops before actually purchasing it. in 1 particular store, the stupid salesman was so RUDE! jason just asked a simple question, "can it play CDR-W?". salesman: "it states that u can play so-n-so number of songs!of COZ it can play CDR-W.its COMMON SENSE!!" WHOOAA!! ouch!! well, we definitely used OUR COMMON SENSE & purchased it from a different shop!! "we" pulak! macamla ALL of us were buying it. lol....
neways, went back to pj..had dinner in ming tien. VJ was a hero & accepted out dare to eat the 'super malat' taiwan sausage. he was pretty macho la.. JUSTIN on the other hand...MUAHAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHA...sorry..thinking bout it cracks me up again. lets just say, liquid started flowing out from every hole on his face. LOL!!...justin, u rock (disgustingly)!!! :P
after dinner we watched Chronicles of Riddick in midvalley.. STUPID SHOW!! vin diesel was super macho n cool as usual. but the story line sucks.

WED:took off to MELAKA!! YEAY!! FOOD FOOD FOOD!! mark dropped me off in EP to meet ona... I LOVE HER HOUSE MAN!! went for dinner in Newton..followed by satay celup, where deric kena marah by the "order drinks" woman. lol.. hopefully there wasnt any piss in his leong cha that tastes like sarsi according to leona. later that nite, watched The Passion with leona at her hse. ouch ouch ouch! *cringe* we need to be constantly reminded on how much Christ suffered for us. it will make us think & make decisions differently. "Thank u Jesus once again for giving Your life for a wretch like me"
Quote of the day: the haze very bad ar..

THUR:woke up...had PANCAKES for breakfast!! yummy!! leona will make a wonderful wife! grin* an hour later, went to meet weeliem for lunch. this time we had CHICKEN RICE BALL!! basically ate alot the whole day ler. eraserwkkeeeee came down to mlk in the evening to join us. had roti john at nite...lepaked at the beach for while. went back to weeliem's just to get a phonecall from justin saying they're going to roti john. great timing guys! :P so BACK to the same place again.. fellowshipped with the mmucf's comittee n Ps Joanne. we couldn't have been noisier...heh..laughed till i was pretty tired on the way home. was sad to say goodbye to the melakans, but, sigh* ..oh well..
Quotes of the day: Why they put the chilli in the cucumber?
It's the horse's roof.
Don't TAMBAH TOKOK ar!!!
(compliments from leona)

FRI:EAT EAT EAT...walk walk walk...hot hot!! drink drink...EAT somemore... (actually, im just getting lazy to write).. am at weeliem's place now.. n it'll be HOME SWEET HOME tomorrow!!!

APPRECIATION:
ona dahling...thanks for letting me stay at ur place...for cooking for me...for bringing me around...for making me laugh!! wink* thank u ona's mummy too!!
weeliem, thanks for bringing me around too..n letting me stay at ur place...n belanjaing me a few meals. :P
justin, jason, vijay, mark, deric, sam, joash, soly & the rest of u...THANKS FOR EVERYTHING!! i had an awesome holiday thanks to u guys!! ur jokes & lamesness brings tears to my eyes.. LOL... hope to see u all again soon...GOD BLESS!!

I/S

some of the things i learnt today...

(DISC personality test)
My personal style: I/S
-Influencing (tends to prefer an environment that allows SOCIAL INTERACTION)

-Steadiness (tends to prefer an environment that is STABLE & SECURE)

PRIMARY DRIVE - Projecting encouragement, Maintaining peace & harmony.
PERSONAL GIFTEDNESS - Seeing the potential in people inspite of their flaws.
GROUP GIFTEDNESS - Constantly affirming and encouraging others.
POTENTIAL SPIRITUAL GIFTS - Giving, Helps, Pastor-Teacher.
INTERNAL FEAR - Disappointing friends, Experiencing continuous disharmony.
STRENGTH OUT OF CONTROL - Being too tolerant & trusting.
UNDER STRESS BECOMES - Overly accomoditing to maintaining relationships.
BLIND SPOTS - Knowing when an abusive situation is critical enough to confront.
NEEDS TO WORK ON - Being more objective about people & situations.

for high "I"s:
Releasing Stress:
-becomes more talkative
-prone to verbal attacks
-seeks social gatherings

Recovery from emotional stress
-by socially spending time with others
-talking on the phone

Sensitivity to Feelings of Others
-more sensitive to others
-want others to be happy
-is quick to offer encouragement & reach out to others

Approach to Teamwork
-draws upon contacts to gather the resources needed for the project

Leadership or Management Style
-adopts a democratic style
-facilitates open communication with others
-desires consensus before making final decisions


Quote of the day: "but there's no microsoft oven!" (internal joke..snicker*)

TUESDAY

PRAISE THE LORD!! i didn't need to lau sai on tuesday morning!! hehe...a few blogs back i mentioned that 2 weeks in a row i had bad stomach aches before or during Morning Glory.

ooh!! yesterday was DRESS UP day again...this involved leona, esther, becky & me!! :P LOL..was talking bout a dress day, skirt day,white day, belt day (which leona went "....we can wear out BLET!" HAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA), LOA day. heh... keep in mind, we do this to make out week more interesting & WORTH going to class. not so much the LOA-ness in us. SOMEtimes la SOMEtimes...

ona & i had brunch with esther, chee yong, becky & (uh oh! dun dare to spell his name..after wrong pulak)...the hippo sat with us for a while.. then we had lunch with HIPPO & TAMUS! felt like a long time since we did that. :D was full of laughs as usual.

I ALMOST FORGOT!! after CF, ona & K.E went rollerblading!! engie & i just watched ( coz i know i'd make a fool of myself & fall everwhere). & guess what ona did!! she went too fast...rammmed into my car to stop. AND INJURED HER TUMMY!! poor gurl!! it looked REALLY painful!! WAS really painful!! imagine!! she got stabbed just above her belly button by my "broken-off" radio antenna. OUCH!! hope it's not so painful now.... :(

moral of the story: never let ona blade without adult supervision.

~HIGH~

oKAY...so i should start studying earlier next time! but oh well, i've always been a last minute studyier..can't seem to get anything in unless im under pressure (which is like 1 day before the exam). so anyway, last nite was bad! started cramming for my test that took place this morning. DINNER was fun though..went to dengkil with leona, bea & kae ee to look for pork. the drive there was PREtty interesting! kae ee is a mad driver! BAD kae ee! oh..& the drive back was even MORE interesting. BEA drove back!! WHOA!! she quite ganas also man!! U GO GURL!! LOL...

so anyway, back to the bad night. went to leona's to study. was doing okay for the 1st 3 hours maybe...(1st time studying with kae ee!! cool!) then...as 12 o'clock came..1am..1 sumthing am..i was dying. my eyes wouldnt stay open!! went to leona's room..tried to keep myself awake by chatting with engie. was working for the 1st 2 hrs.. then my eyelids got too heavy. & all he could do was threaten to come over with a baseball bat. ISH! like THAT's gonna work. :P hehe..

finally fell asleep in the hall bout 3sumthing am? but i was awakened by a phone call that left me really upset & disturbed. went back to my place at 5 am. studied awhile more with weeliem (who just got back home too). sleepiness took over again...gave in to my bed's temptation at 6 sumthing. wanted to wake up at 7 to study somemore, but i only regained consciousness at the sound of my phone...engie: "morning..it's time to wake up.." OH NO!!! it's 8am!!! im not done studying!! argh!! oh well..gotta just leave the rest to God. then OFF to MPH i go...

oh! bout the title of the blog...yea..it was because i was feeling high; light-headed in the exam hall. was definitely due to LACK OF SLEEP...not drugs or anything okaY!!

-drove back to peejay..making a stop at subang to drop lenard, jasonD & simon off..& a stop at ming tien to drop becky off. :)
HOME SWEET HOME...BED sweet BED... zzzZZzzZzzZzz..

sob* & smile

*sob* ...did something i shouldn't have done...looked back...now i just feel like crying... thought i was strong. but looking back must have made me weak.. feeling confused...what am i feeling? why do i feel guilty for feeling this way? why do i feel like im wronging someone? the main question is still, what am i feeling?? :(

(an hour or so later) smiling*
"that" feeling's gone...another feeling has come over me... what the heck!! feelings feelings feelings!! leaves u so confused & out of breath! lately i can't seem to keep up with my feelings.. whats wrong? what am i going through?? ARGH!! i should just go to bed!! but i gotta study...DOUBLE argh!!
-when's my "sinusoidal graph" of emotions gonna stabilize?-

CHUP!!

HALLELUJAH!! i couldn't thank the Lord enough!! had our first CHUP cg tonite! i was kindda worried n nervous bout it at 1st...was wondering how will it go. will the members participate? will everyone feel awkward? but GLORY to GOD!! it went so much better than carol & i expected!! even with only 8 members present, i believe the FAMILY bond has started to form. & even though we only have 2 new members, we believe God's gonna bring in more people to our lil CHUP family!! YEAY!! grin grin grin*

"Lord Jesus...help us to keep You in the centre, so that our CG will be bonded together in Your LOVE..Amen.."

venus??the sun??

yesterday, desmond needed help with a song to remember the new testament. so offered to help. said nicky's really GENG! just need a few minutes to think up a melody. well, went over to his place (which is beside MINE in case u didnt know)..n started singing the new testament books to all kinds of melodies. unfortunately, nicky was WAY WAY WAY too tired...n after we gave up, i went to weeliem's pc to buzz desmond n tell him we couldnt do it. i could still here nicky playing the guitar on weeliem's bed, n in about 30 secs, the music stopped...n there was nicky...holding the guitar...peacefully asleep.. SOOOO ADDOORRAABBLLLEE!!! :D

today...went to morning glory..we were the 1st group to finish praying coz had to rush to class. SIGH* seems like i hafta "lau sai" EVERY TUESDAY!! think the devil doesn't want me to pray. no no!! must not confess!! i SHALL NOT have a tummy ache next tuesday in JESUS' name!! AMEN! :P

BBbBbrRrrRr* was friggin cold in lab today...i thought i was gonna get frostbiten. when the 3 hours was up, MAN!! the SUN never felt better on my skin than it did today!! was defrosting for bout half an hour.. hehe...

did u ppl know that VENUS was crossing the SUN today? wai choong n i did everything we could to look at the sun. used a black colour bottle...OUCH! tried looking at the reflection of the sun in a bucket of water...OUCH! put 3 or 4 sunglasses together...OUCH! but ooohh..can see the sun..but noo...no venus. went n looked at it online...WHAT THE??? a small tiny black DOT at the bottom of the sun?!? cheh... no wonder couldn't see it with our naked eye la!!

crap! i missed my gym session today!!! wanted to take an hour nap n go to the gym at 5 sumthing...but ehter n i just pengsan-ed till 7pm. what pigs!! when we finally woke up, off to CF we go... was really nice seeing the melakans; deric, soly n mark at CF. was reminded of all the fun we had at IF. :D i really hope i'll be able to visit them soon. missing them even though we only had 3 days together.

oh well...i gotta study for BHM test this sat. YAWN* -switches off monitor-

BLeSSeD

WHOA! i actually woke up earlier this morning to do my Q.T!! how cool is that!! it's been so long since i've taken my Q.T seriously.. hope i keep it up. it really is wonderful to start ur day with God.

I was reminded yesterday how blessed i am to have the friends that i have. friends who don't judge me. friends who accept me for who i am. friends who still love me despite the horrible things i've done in my life. (thanks dearie for hearing me out, & loving me all the same, & encouraging me...u know who u are..) For someone like me, i experience judgement pretty often. because im pretty open & outgoing..n friendly..alot of people get me wrong. i've heard rumours bout me so many times. n it hurts. but i thank God for friends who truly know who i am & what im made off. i really could not ask for anything more.. (the friends im talking about...u know who u are.. hugz* love u guys & gals so much!!)

hmmm..today i was dying in my 3hr lecture. but had a few good laughs in the library during breaks. hung out with bea n weeliem. dunno what was wrong with us. expecially bea & i. LOL...good thing we weren't kicked out of the lib. anyways, i suddenly remembered a joke that cheeyong n i accidentally came up with quite some time back. it was a spontaneous kindda thing. here goes:

gurls: yak yak yak...bla bla bla...yadda yadda yadda...
cheeyong: why can't gurls stop talking???
rach: coz our PERIOD only come ONCE a month.
everyone: hAhhHAhahhahhHAhhhahahahha...

get it? okay...maybe it sounds lame here.. but it was REALLY funny when it happened. sheepish grin* didnt know WHERE that answer came from.

JOY JOY JOY!!!

(this entry was supposed to be up last night. but due to my IE not allowing me to surf, i could only post it this morning.)

GRIN GRIN GRIN* yup!! that's what im doing now...like a freak. it's weird.. i was driving back to cyber alone, at 12 sumthing am. been 2 weeks since i drove back alone. my sunshine wasn't with me. so i started talking to the only person with
me in the car-our sweet Holy Spirit. i was just pouring my heart out about things that has been happening..asking questions.. was listening to Point of Grace cassette. many of
the songs ministered to me. & suddenly when i reached cyber, i was filled with
unexpainable joy that can "only be given by our Papa above" according to leona.

Just realized..i've never wanted the things of God more than i do now. i believe my spirit is really whacking up my body. LOL...was reminded bout a presentation i did sometime back in Acts church (some of u would have seen it)..where the BODY & the SPIRIT are battling each other. & the SOUL has to decide which one to follow. at that time i felt like such a hypocrite, coz my FLESH was obviously triumphing over my SPIRIT.
but NOW...i feel my SPIRIT is really starting to fight! cool!! i pray that God wont let this fire burn out.

I need YOU here..

I need You here
I need You here
You're like the rain that falls
Fall on this heart & make me new

I look to You
I look to You
You're King above the earth
& You have put heaven in my heart

I only wanna be where You are....

brighter tomorrow

Today...leona & i rushed to KLCC to get my cheong sam fitting done. MAN!! it's gorgeous!!! too bad i can't keep it. it's for job purposes only.. :( oh well...at least get to wear it once ler..
SIGH* not feeling too good at the moment..feeling came about, an hour ago? hmmm..feel like just going to bed.. good night world...it WILL be brighter tomorrow...

cest la vie

sigh* yesterday was pleasant...then it became sad... why must things be so difficult?? why is it that right after u think u've overcome something, SOMETHING else comes along to complicate things & "spice up your life"??
'cest la vie'...guess it's the only way to grow..only way to mature...only way to become stronger... or else we'll still just be, (as ona said), KIDS.

*off to class* life goes on...

Starting anew...

Alot has happened in the past 2 days. Let's just say a chapter of my life has been closed. & now I'm left with a new blank page, not knowing where to begin.
For the past few months (maybe even more), God's sprirt has been prompting me about decisions & choices i had to make. & all this time, i've been trying to ignore it & reason with it. But i've come to a place where i can't run away any longer. i've been cornered.
I sorta made up my mind by saturday. But didnt have the strength to make a stand. I even doubted my choice, wondering if i was being selfish. But on sunday, God sent sister Joyce to pray for me during alter call. & she said things like "rachel, u need to move on...today is the day u take your 1st step." & i immediately knew what i had to do. it wasn't easy. it was painful. there were tears involved. but i believe that i had to get rid of this part of my life in order to grow & to fulfill my destiny & calling.
I also realized that when u place God in the centre of your situation, everything else seems small...& it doesn't hurt as much anymore.
Rewinding a lil, during sunday service, Pas Kenneth was preaching about the EVIL DAY-the days when we're down, distressed, desperate, disappointed..(the list of D words goes on), the devil comes and KICKS you!! that's when we need to Depend on the Lord. Jesus is the expert of our "D" days, & He will Deliver us.
In order to STAND when we're attacked by Satan, we need to put on the full armour of God. even so, many of us keep running away from our problems. Our armour only protects out front. & when we're running away, the devil is just sitting on our backs & stabbing us there. we need to TURN around, FACE him, and start HACKING!!
To those out there who are going through SHIT now...and are facing your EVIL DAYS, remember you're not alone. not only God is with you, your fellow Christians are here too. & thought u may not know it, MANY (& i mean MANY) are going through some kindda shit themselves. i believe that Satan is doing this to us because he knows we can be used powerfully by God, & he's terrified!! SO...PUT ON YOUR ARMOUR!! EQUIP YOURSELVES!! & FIGHT!!

^ thanks to all my brothers & sisters out there who have been supporting me & giving me strength. (especially ehter, ona & neo) nwcx..eventhough u dont really know what's going on in my life,just u being around has somewhat been a confort. & sunshine, thanks for always being successful in putting a smile on my face. :) the weather ain't that gloomy whenever you're around. ^

BOMB LEXMARK!!

One advice...NEVER purchase ANYTHING from Lexmark!! not only their printers suck, so does the company itself!!
Summary: bought a Lexmark printer from the melaka IT fair.used it once. didn't work the next day. called the shop in melaka. was told to call the Lexmark company. CALLED the lexmark company. was told to go to some service centre in subang. from there, i was supposed to call lexmark again to get a case number. so that's what i did today (more like yesterday). went ALL the way to the service centre. called lexmark. the guy on the line said i hafta fax the receipt to them. YA! like we carry fax machines around with us wherever we go!! person at service centre said not necessary to fax receipt. called lexmark again. same idiot said he cant give me the case number. drove ALL the way to AYA to use fax machine. faxed the receipt. drove BACK to the called lexmark. line busy....still busy....busy...busy...patience running low. left subang to send lenard back for his 5pm class. still busy...when finally got through, they said they can't find the fax. they can't even find the serial no of my printer. kesimpulannya, lexmark sucks!! wasted SO much credit calling the company.. n petrol driving around subang.
If not for the 2 wonderful people, leona & lenard who temaned me there, my day would have been shit. Sometimes i think God wants to teach me patience...n how to deal with anger...but i usually fail...sigh*
Thank God for friends who are constantly by my side..