I see my beloved friend dying inside... there's no more laughter... no more craziness... there's sorrow.. there's pain... there's emptiness... there's dryness...
WHY?????
anyway, darling.. this song is for u:
Icy chills round your heart
A heart that's made of stone
It seems like
Life is out to get you
To destroy what you want
I know that, that you blame me for all that you go through
It could be, so different if you would just let it go
You're all alone
Running out of ways to
Hold on to hope
And it always slips away
You're all alone
But you don't have to
Pretend to cope
There is a brighter way
If you would change your perspective
You'd see that it is true
Life is not always what you want
Sometimes it's hard to bear
I'd be with you, and help you in all that you go through
I love you, let Me change your heart by coming in
You're all alone
Running out of ways to
Hold on to hope
And it always slips away
You're all alone
But you don't have to
Pretend to cope
There is a brighter way
okay.. u DON'T blame Him for anything... :P... but yea... He loves u... n i'm sure he cries when u cry... n he feels ur pain... don't give up hope. u have so much in store for u. i know that. it's just blurred by all the things that ur going through. n it looks like it's just darkness... but it's not. morning will come. n u will see the sunshine again. n smile again. n laugh again. n be crazy again...heh... can't wait till u get there.
just remember that ur not walking alone. Jesus is there. maybe u just need to hold His hand n u will see the path better? i know it's easy to say... but u'll get through it. HUGZ* i'm here for u too... u know that. love u sweetie... MUAKS*
Tuesday, April 12, 2005
words cannot express the GREATNESS of my God!!!
OH MY GOSH!!! i cant express how im feelin now!!! im happy!! MORE than happy!!
im practically jumping around in my seat!! felt like dancing around my room. haven't stopped singing since it happened... can't stop marvelling at God's greatness...
aaahhhhhh!!!! i want to SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD!!! :D
here's the deal. i needed a certain amount of money. i signed up for the mission trip with NO idea where the money was gonna come from. the amount of money i need is a really huge amount for me. i never dreamed of saving up enuf. but i just trusted God to provide and faithfully prayed for it. not just money for me but for the whole team. as the date got closer, i admit i started getting worried.
but guess what. God is GOOD if u didn't already know! and He's awesome and wonderful and indescribable!!! he provided for me!! MORE than i needed!! so much more!!!
my mom just smses me 20 mins ago to tell me the good news. n i haven't stopped rejoicing.
honestly... i never dreamt that i would experience this kindda miracle. i always hear it happening to other ppl. but not to me. money has always been an issue. i don't starve. but i DO go hungry sometimes. but God is still great. and He knows the right time to do certain things.
rewinding back to sunday. pastor's sermon was totally awesome! he spoke about PRAISE as well as God's greatness... MAN!!! seriously, if u think about it. look at the vastness of the skies....EVERYTHING that u see when u look up, isn't even 1% of the earth's sky. THAT's how great the sky is. all the more great is the God who created it....WWHHOOOOOAAAA..... suddenly u become nothing. a speck of dust? microorganism?
ur problems also reduce to nothing. just KNOWING n REALIZING how great our God is.. MY God.... I can't express fully in words how amazing He is....
even thinking about the paper i screwed up was really disappointed by.... so what? what if i fail? God is still great! n my failing doesn't change anything. I still serve the almighty God....and that's the biggest success that i'll ever have!!
Thank u Daddy God...Jehovah Jireh.... thank u thank u thank u thank u thank u....
~rejoicing~
im practically jumping around in my seat!! felt like dancing around my room. haven't stopped singing since it happened... can't stop marvelling at God's greatness...
aaahhhhhh!!!! i want to SHOUT IT TO THE WORLD!!! :D
here's the deal. i needed a certain amount of money. i signed up for the mission trip with NO idea where the money was gonna come from. the amount of money i need is a really huge amount for me. i never dreamed of saving up enuf. but i just trusted God to provide and faithfully prayed for it. not just money for me but for the whole team. as the date got closer, i admit i started getting worried.
but guess what. God is GOOD if u didn't already know! and He's awesome and wonderful and indescribable!!! he provided for me!! MORE than i needed!! so much more!!!
my mom just smses me 20 mins ago to tell me the good news. n i haven't stopped rejoicing.
honestly... i never dreamt that i would experience this kindda miracle. i always hear it happening to other ppl. but not to me. money has always been an issue. i don't starve. but i DO go hungry sometimes. but God is still great. and He knows the right time to do certain things.
rewinding back to sunday. pastor's sermon was totally awesome! he spoke about PRAISE as well as God's greatness... MAN!!! seriously, if u think about it. look at the vastness of the skies....EVERYTHING that u see when u look up, isn't even 1% of the earth's sky. THAT's how great the sky is. all the more great is the God who created it....WWHHOOOOOAAAA..... suddenly u become nothing. a speck of dust? microorganism?
ur problems also reduce to nothing. just KNOWING n REALIZING how great our God is.. MY God.... I can't express fully in words how amazing He is....
even thinking about the paper i screwed up was really disappointed by.... so what? what if i fail? God is still great! n my failing doesn't change anything. I still serve the almighty God....and that's the biggest success that i'll ever have!!
Thank u Daddy God...Jehovah Jireh.... thank u thank u thank u thank u thank u....
~rejoicing~
Tuesday, April 05, 2005
the "aftermath"
okay... my last post was nasty...that was RIGHT after my paper. that was how i was feeling.... cried my eyeballs out after that....(how childish)...don't think i've ever cried over an exam before. but this time i was really crushed. i was really confident that i could score at last. i really knew my stuff for this subject. even when i saw the questions i knew i could do it. but carelesness killed all my hopes of scoring. thought i could prove to myself that i could do it. that i wasn't stupid. thought i could make my parents and God proud. guess i was wrong.
after blogging n crying, i msged my mom... calmed down... opened the daily bread and my bible.... guess what words popped right out?? "WHERE IS YOUR TRUST???"haha... it's funny how everytime i'm faced with a circumstance or disappointment, the daily bread will have something DIRECTLY for me.
anyway...Jeremiah 17:5-10 spoke to me personally. i learned that trusting Him is far greater than exam results or anything else.
God's peace also took over... after my outburst of anger, disappointment and tears, i finally felt comfort and peace that i know only my Daddy God can give me.
mummy replied my sms some time later. she said "it's okay...just trust that God has a greater purpose". she also said that she was praying for God to comfort me. thank God for parents like mine. :D wouldn't trade them for the world.
"Lord, whatever your purpose is, I want to trust You...whether or not i pass or fail, my trust is still in You. whether or not i have enough, or i lack, i will still trust in You."
after blogging n crying, i msged my mom... calmed down... opened the daily bread and my bible.... guess what words popped right out?? "WHERE IS YOUR TRUST???"haha... it's funny how everytime i'm faced with a circumstance or disappointment, the daily bread will have something DIRECTLY for me.
anyway...Jeremiah 17:5-10 spoke to me personally. i learned that trusting Him is far greater than exam results or anything else.
God's peace also took over... after my outburst of anger, disappointment and tears, i finally felt comfort and peace that i know only my Daddy God can give me.
mummy replied my sms some time later. she said "it's okay...just trust that God has a greater purpose". she also said that she was praying for God to comfort me. thank God for parents like mine. :D wouldn't trade them for the world.
"Lord, whatever your purpose is, I want to trust You...whether or not i pass or fail, my trust is still in You. whether or not i have enough, or i lack, i will still trust in You."
!%^@$%@#@^%^#$^&!!!!
*&!%^&!$$#$@!%^&$@%^@$*&^!&$#%@*&%$#@%^$@%$@^&#^!!!!!!!!
the only word ringing in my head now is..yes... the Four letter F word!!
WHY?!?!?! COZ IM A FREAKIN IDIOT WHO HAS NO BRAINS WHATSOEVER!!!
WHAT'S THE FREAKIKNG POINT IN STUDYING SO HARD AND GOING TO LECTURES TO PAY ATTENTION, WHNE UR JUST GONNA BE AN IDIOT AND SCREW IT UP IN UR FINALS ANYWAY??!?!?
i wont feel bad if i KNOW i didnt study for that particular part. BUT WHEN I FREAKING KNOW WHAT THE HECK THEY'RE ASKING AND I COULD HAVE SCORED FOR THE DAMN PAPER, I MUST CARELESSLY, STUPIDLY MAKE A DUMB ASS MISTAKE AND SCREW THE WHOLE PAPER!!! !^&*%!^&$@^&%$#%!^&$@^%$@^$#@^%$%!^&%!!!!!!!
arrgghhhh!!! GOODDD!!! WWHHYYY?!?!?!? am i destined to do badly in exams??? in uni???
just when i thought i could pull up my grades with this paper.... n You know that i knew my stuff... but i had to make a STUPID STUPID STUPID MISTAKE!!!!!!
what's the point of studying anymore?!??!? i dont have the mood to go on. might as well just screw up the rest of my papers too. wont make a freaking difference!
IDIOT!!! <- yup! that's ME!!!
the only word ringing in my head now is..yes... the Four letter F word!!
WHY?!?!?! COZ IM A FREAKIN IDIOT WHO HAS NO BRAINS WHATSOEVER!!!
WHAT'S THE FREAKIKNG POINT IN STUDYING SO HARD AND GOING TO LECTURES TO PAY ATTENTION, WHNE UR JUST GONNA BE AN IDIOT AND SCREW IT UP IN UR FINALS ANYWAY??!?!?
i wont feel bad if i KNOW i didnt study for that particular part. BUT WHEN I FREAKING KNOW WHAT THE HECK THEY'RE ASKING AND I COULD HAVE SCORED FOR THE DAMN PAPER, I MUST CARELESSLY, STUPIDLY MAKE A DUMB ASS MISTAKE AND SCREW THE WHOLE PAPER!!! !^&*%!^&$@^&%$#%!^&$@^%$@^$#@^%$%!^&%!!!!!!!
arrgghhhh!!! GOODDD!!! WWHHYYY?!?!?!? am i destined to do badly in exams??? in uni???
just when i thought i could pull up my grades with this paper.... n You know that i knew my stuff... but i had to make a STUPID STUPID STUPID MISTAKE!!!!!!
what's the point of studying anymore?!??!? i dont have the mood to go on. might as well just screw up the rest of my papers too. wont make a freaking difference!
IDIOT!!! <- yup! that's ME!!!
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