. :NOSTALGIA: .

i had this sudden urge to go through my old letters. i realized that that's something that i stopped doing for years. my close friends n cousins n i used to write letters to each other pretty often. i guess the older we get, the more we tend to neglect people n take things for granted.

i mainly went through letters from this close friend of mine from church. we grew up in Grace Assembly together. we were extremely close between the year 1999-2001. well, the letters i read were during those years. i was 17 n she was 19. but we were close since i was 15 probably. just that we weren't "personal" level close. during those 2 years of writing to each other, we used to write letters almost every week. n we would pass it to each other when we meet in church. we served in children's church, youth, n the music ministry together. was so fun!! all the singing, acting, dancing, performing, playing instruments together... *dreamy look on face*
we were practically involved in every single event or occasion there was, as there were very few of us teens around. (the chinese dept consists of mostly elderly ppl) . we would even be on the worship team almost EVERY sunday. it was a CHICK band then. lol...most of us close girlfriends.

reading through those letters, it made me smile, laugh, even tear. i really miss the friendship we had. how close we were n how much we cared for each other...how excited we were to get each other's letters even though we see each other at LEAST once a week. usually more. n it was such a joy to write. n even make lil tokens of friendship. i wonder why people these days dont do that anymore. maybe it's the technology. there's email n YM n MSN. even so, we dont mail each other that often either. sad..btw, it was so funny reading about our old crushes n "BGR" problems. hahahah..we were so young n naive n innocent.

oh ya! i even came across old postcards from my "first love". :) so cute!! so sweet!! i still have the VERY 1ST postcard he wrote to me-confessing his feelings. gives me a warm fuzzy feeling thinking bout the good ol' days.. MAN!! when ur 18, everything is so exciting!! n things kids in love say to each other are so cute! lol...it brought back many sweet memories. college life was fun. being in love the first time was fun too. grin* we ARE still friends btw.

sigh* NOSTLAGIA....i really thank God for the people he brings into my life. i just wish that none of us has to drift apart. but it happens.. n all we can do is try our best to make an effort to get back in touch, which is what i just did; mailed that precious friend to tell her that i miss her, n still love her lots. :)
"san, thank u for all the letters, the care, the lil gifts, most of all, the friendship u shared with me as we were growing up. i still love u lots!! "

~back problems~

maybe i'm older than i think. sob* been having back pains for more than a week now. it's getting a lil worrying. was talking to melvin last night...n he scared me by giving all the posibilities. nerve out of place, slipped disk...said i better not leave it prolonged, or it could get bad or permanent. hmmm... guess i'll wait n see if it still hurts after next week.
sigh* could it be the way i slept? or dancing? or aerobics? or carrying something heavy? shrug*

"Daddy God...You're the greatest physician..please fix this lil problem in my back...thank You... in Jesus' name...amen!! "

: .puzzled. :

memories of my past...
mistakes i've made...experiences i've been through...
ever since i stepped into "adulthood", for me i consider it 18 n above...
sometimes i wonder if i regret...
or if i'm thankful at the way i turned out...
it's weird though...
sometimes i don't know what's wrong n what's right anymore...
maybe i've put up walls...
maybe i'm just paranoid...
maybe i didn't HAVE enough walls up before this...
n after everything...
at this turning point in my life, maybe it IS time to put up some walls?
shrug*
puzzling...
life is puzzling...

"Daddy...please show me the way..."

LOVE THOSE KIDS!!

gosh!! how can i forget the events that happened this weekend??okay..here goes..

FRI
went to RUMAH TRINITY. there were 20 indian kids there...they're simply adorable & beautiful!! we actually planned 2 games to play with them. but it turned out to be THEM teaching us games instead. here's basically what the scene was when we were there. boys around the age of 14 were climbing all over jia wern n wrestling with him. 2 boys n 2 girls played hand games n took me round the whole house showing me the plants they planted. oh ya... and we played PEPSI-COLA!! yes esther...its PEPSI COLA..not ICE CREAM SODA.. lol..
the "babies"; 4-6 yrs of age stuck to chee kah...guess coz he's like a gentle lamb.. grin*
the 2 baby girls, diana & jennifer stuck to esther n charis most of the time. i played with them when daniel, vicky, christina n prasanth weren't pulling me around la.
i can't remember the rest ler.. but yea..all 11 of us had a few kids who stuck to us throughout our visit. was really fun. n i fell in love with them already.



although our visit only lasted not more than 3 hrs, a bond was formed. n i could feel my heart expand to love these kids. my heart really goes out to them.throughout this whole visit, i was reminded on how my heart is for children. when i used to serve in the children's ministry in my home church, i used to wonder, is this my ministry? is this my calling? now i feel yes, it is. God has put in my heart a special place for kids. it's not just a feeling of sympathy for these orphans..but i really LOVE them. don't really know how to explain it. it was sad when we had to leave. i really felt heavy hearted to leave them.



after the trip, i also remembered my desire to adopt a child when im married. of coz i want my own children. but some months back, the thought of adopting suddenly crossed my mind. i feel that if i could make a difference in at LEAST 1 child's life, it's worth it. make the world of ONE abandoned kid better...shrug* but of coz, all this will have to be prayed about n all. some ppl think that it isn't possible to love an adopted child as much as ur own flesh n blood. but i dont agree. i really feel that i CAN love an adopted child with all my heart as well. okay...enough bout kids. im not even CLOSE to marriage. so... lol...



that nite...INFEST!! all i gotta say is; THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC!!! esther n i got really high...unfortunately our enthuisiasm wasnt seen in everyone. bleh*

SAT
lenard, luvin, bryan n i followed nicky to get his new wife. :)
in the afternoon...AEROBICS!! talk about working out! my thighs are still aching pretty badly. was totally fun though. was more like learning a dance. kat is a GREAT aerobics instructor!!
that nite...dinner with my JI MUI!! had a good time of catching up.. thanks for dinner ji mui!! HUGZ*

Valentine no more

sad news. valentine is gone. not even a week of her stay with my family...one lil careless mistake...n she found a way out the gate. SOB SOB* someone else probably has her now. all we can do is pray that God is looking after her, n she found a good home... : ( everyone is a lil shaken by it, coz she was a really good n smart pup. was learning fast.
sigh* i dont even wanna talk bout it anymore. it's too saddening.

AnGeR

it's scary when Anger pops in. the worst thing is, when he does, u don't really want him to leave. weird huh?
the bad thing is, if u go to sleep with him still there, he won't be gone when u wake up. Anger isn't like a tummy ache that disappears by morning. he just sits there...influences ur dreams sometimes. n when u wake, he's STILL sitting there. so how do we get rid of Anger so that he won't affect our whole day? it's easy to say "talk to God..." but like i said, isn't it true that sometimes when Anger is there, we kindda like his company. it's as if we just wanna dwell in that fiery furnace. sigh* HUMANS!!!

CGVCG!!!

almost forgot bout CGVCG!!! man!! the organizers deserve a dinner or something!! MICH. JOSH, NICKY, ALVIN, JOHNNY...im sure they worked really hard to get it together. n they did a REALLY good job!! everyone had fun. all the sweat, the energy, the time...was worth it.from mmu campus to cyberview lodge, to paya indah wetlands, to precint 9 putrajaya, to taman botani, to alamanda, to cyberpark... each team was constantly driving or running around. clues were being solved. things n places were being found. questions were being answered. at the same time, we really enjoyed the company... some teams were helping each other out, even though we are from different CG's. it was nice to see the unity between CF members as a whole. it was also interesting to see different teams choosing different paths coz there were various ways to complete the race. all in all, it was a fun day. got to see more of cyberjaya n putrajaya then i've ever done since i started studying here. hehe...n i had a great team with me - Lydia, Datin Steph, Desmond & Peter!! wooo hooo!! multi-faculty!! i think we really complimented each other. honestly speaking, i wasn't semangat at all before the race began. but as we went on, everyone was determined to win. n thank GOD, we got 2nd place!!! yeay!! :D i think God was teaching me a lesson as well. n giving me back my semangatness. :) thank u Lord!!!

^VaLeNTiNe^

i have a new family member!! yeay!! :D her name is Valentine. she's black...n cute...n has a wet lil nose... n droopy ears...n a LONG tail... grin*
this is how she came to our home...
car stops outside the house. ben comes down...starts calling at the gate "PET!!!" my sis gets up groggily from her sleep...goes to front door...ben comes in carrying a big box....he holds it out to pet n says "this is for u...early birthday present." he opens the box.. n out pops a lil black head!! eeEEeEeee....leona, esther n i start squealing..the lil darling had a bright green ribbon tied to her waist too (my sis' favourite colour).i asked pet, "what u gonna name her??!!" all she said was, "sleepy la..wanna go back to sleep.. heh..," *sheepish smile* n goes back to bed.
SIGH* what la that gurl!!! so leona & i ended up playing with her till my parents got home. n we had to leave back to cyber. sniff* so sad.. i miss her already....btw, she's a lil black labrador pup. apparently mixed with alsation. but doesnt look it at all. wwhhhheeee!!! cant wait to go home!!!

"Thank You God for the new member in our family..."

*FLasHbAcKs*

flashbacks...
heart skipping a beat...
hoping...
getting closer...
falling...
head over heels...
excited...
loving...
caring...
bliss...
contented...
happy...

but they're all just memories, hitting me unexpectedly like a blow to the head. at the moment, they still hurt. but someday, i'm sure they'll be sweet...someday....

-BE FAITHFUL-

last nite, i was suddenly struck by discouragement n a weird feeling of dullness...don't wanna mention the cause of it. but i just felt so low...so "tak bersemangat". was questioning myself why?? was asking God why?? even asked a few friends why?? in fact, i felt guilty bout feeling this way. i shouldn't be feeling this way...ARGH!! think i need a TIGHT SLAP in the face!! well...was talking to weeliem bout how i was feeling...n he greatly encouraged me with these 2 words - "BE FAITHFUL". yea...i guess that's all God wants us to do. be faithful. he's not gonna ask us how many souls we saved. he's not gonna ask us how many churches we built. he's not gonna ask us how much did we multiply our CG. He's not even gonna ask us how "holy" we were here on earth. but He WILL ask us how we used our gifts n talents...how we continued to run the race even when it was so hard...how we still served him n pressed on when things got rough. i wanna continue running the race. i wanna keep using n expanding my talents. i wanna serve Him all my life even in the little things; n even when it seems to be pointless. "God, give me the strength to keep going."

. :IRONY: .

isn't it funny that some people can ask for favours...but not return them?
isn't it funny that some guys are playing the girl's role?
isn't it funny how when u lack prayer, things start going wrong?
isn't it funny how people u were so close with can become strangers?
isn't funny how this world is so ironic?
yea...i know all these questions have nothing in common whatsoever...they're just certain things that crossed my mind lately.

speaking about irony...let me name some ironic things that happened to me. BESIDES the usual "spoon landing in the middle of the sink causing water to splash all over ourselves" or "we're ALWAYS on the slowest lane in the traffic jam", these are the few ironic things that i've experienced n noticed lately:

-everytime esther n i happen to talk about or mention someone, that person seems to weirdly appear around us...like walking past us...or is somewhere in sight...or appears online... FREAKY!!

-my car works fine EVERTIME the mechanic or someone ELSE checks it. but misbehaves when I'M driving it.

-our lecturer announced that lab was gonna start 2 saturdays back. so we were asked to check our schedules. n we were NOT allowed to change our date of experiment. he wasn't gonna except any excuses. i was PRAYING that i WONT be the 1st group that saturday coz i really couldn't make it. was working that day.esther was thinking to herself "NAH...cant be THAT ironic!" well, guess WHAT! my lab was schedule to be on THAT saturday! GEE THANKS!!

-the sun seems to shine REALLY brightly evertime we need to walk. it happily hides behind clouds when we dont need it to...when we're still in the shade. ONCE we step out into the open air, it starts roasting us.

these things ever happen to u before? or am i the only one???? *puzzled look on face*

pretty interesting weekend

left cyber friday afternoon to have a look at the doggy i'm hoping to adopt. but daddy ain't too keen...sigh*
met shern's look-alike! cool!! hahaha...
car was still giving problems...it's being such a b**** (mind my language). but seriously....it jerks like mad and 'sei fuo" when i'm driving around...those who have experienced the "excitement" with me would know what i'm talking about. unfortunately, my car is ALIVE!! n it's smart! it act's PERFECTLY fine whenever SOMEONE, ANYONE, is testing it to find the problem. even the whole of this morning , it didn't act up at all. i guess it knew i was taking it to the workshop. then...when it finally realized that i was sending it to the mechanic no matter what, i had to start pissing me off..especially at traffic lights. and AS EXPECTED, it was a very good girl with the mechanic. and as usual (after 4 times at a diff mech) i drove her home HOPING she'd work. n guess what, it started jerking, n even died in the middle of the road at the traffic lights when i was picking becky up from center point. SIGH* why am not surprised? need to really pray n rebuke the lil demons who are messing up my engine!! shrug* who knows rite?
was really asking God, WHY is this happening? to test my patience?? the devil trying to piss me off? hmmm... questions questions questions!!

anyways...back to my weekend. worked on Sat. was so boring this week!!! no one to give the leaflets to. taipan was so dead. thank God i was working with JO!! we had so much to catch up on. so work that day was practically walking around...chatting....eating...chatting...giving leaflets....chatting...eating...chatting..... yea! u get the picture. lol...
after that, we went to KL to yum cha with our "supervisor" n the supervisor from the other venue. was fun!! grin*

next was movie with baby tze n ah yoong. :) been sometime since i hung out with them. was really nice. n the NEW POLICE STORY is a MUST watch!!! the good guys are cool... the BAD guys are cool!! u kindda tend to like everyone in the movie! hehe...n DANIEL WOO IS A HUNK!!!! *drool* not to mention, 2 of the bad guys reminded me of guys i know. damn funny. but they're damn "yau yeng" lor.

after the movie, met up with 3 dear friends whom i haven't seen for REALLY long!! didn't realize how much i missed them till i saw them. the whole night, jo, steve, sun, joan n i were laughing our guts out and going hysterical. or maybe it was just us 3 gurls la. :P was marvelous chillin with them. hope to see them more often - "the karaoke gang"!!

sunday....church..in the NEW PLACE!!! awesome!!! then had to rush of to meet a special friend who was gonna bring my car to his mechanic. he's specialized with my type of engine. BUT...oh well....u know the rest of the story...
BAH!! stupid car!

once again..cannot drive back to cyber... :( after fetching becky n shernie to my house and watching smallville n m'sian idol, engie had to fetch us all back. good thing was, we got to see his place in CYBER HEIGHTS!!! oh my gosh!! it's SOOOOO DDAAARRNNN BBEEAAUUTTIIIFFOOOLLL!!! becky wants to move in tomorrow!! lol....

yawn* time to sleep... good night world...*snore*... oh wait! i DONT snore.. :P *silence*