major attack

was praying for friends....suddenly realized that EVERYONE is having relational problems at the moment...there are SOOOO many relationship problems going on around me. may it be girl with girl, guy with guy, girl with guy or guy with girl...they're everywhere...robbing everyone of unity n love.
it dawned upon me that this IS Satan's major attack plan - to break us all up...to divide us n make us weak...to take away our love for each other...to take away the efficiency of us working together as one in the body of Christ. so WHY ON EARTH ARE WE LETTING HIM WIN??!?!?!are we out of our minds?!?!?!?!

it's so obvious that this isn't just a coincidence that just about EVERYone that i think of IS having some kindda relational problem. it's so obvious that the easiest way to cause us to lose our focus is to play with our hearts, our emotions. once the devil gets us there, we can't do anything anymore. we can't concentrate on ANYTHING!! we can't get ANYTHING done!! we can't focus on the important things in life; like touching people's lives with God's love...like helping the less fortunate...like being more sensitive to those who really need our care n love. instead, we get so entangled in this mess of relationship problems that our lives revolve around it. n we just dwell in the hurt, the disappointment, the pain , anger, the sadness...
it's time we pick ourselves up people!!! are u hearing me?!?! we really gotta stand up and FIGHT against all this nonsense that is breaking us up! where's our LOVE? where's our GRACE? where's our UNITY? i myself am guilty of falling into this trap. but let's help each other out. let's laugh at Satan's face when he realizes he's failed.

"Father God, i just ask for strength to come upon ALL of us right now!! ALL of us who feel to weak to fight against these problems... i pray for LOVE to fill our hearts...FORGIVENESS to
fill our hearts...i ask that You help us guard our hearts n minds from the fiery darts of the enemy. help us stand strong united in You...in Jesus' POWERFUL name, AMEN!!!"

Colossians 3
vs 13
Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

vs 14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

vs 15
Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace.
[The attitude of peace that Christ alone gives; in place of the attitude of bitterness and quarrelsomeness. This attitude is to RULE in ALL HUMAN RELATIONSHIPS]- from NIV study bible.

. :FRIEND: .

talked with a very special friend today... felt that i could've been there more but i wasn't. felt that i could've helped more but i didn't... :( maybe out of fear...maybe out of ignorance...
but there's no point regreting. life goes on...
i really hope i would be able to be more of a friend to her in the coming days, months, years...i really wanna be there for her when she needs a listening ear, a fellow sister who understands her pains, a shoulder to even cry on... she knows who she is.. i think.. :)

i told her this when it happened, but there's a possibility she didn't hear me over all the noise.
it was a sunday morning in church. n there was n alter call... me being on usher duty just stood behind the people who went up, n prayed silently from where i was for those i felt moved to pray for. when she was being prayed for, i started praying too...n i just started crying as i was doing so. i dont why, but somehow, the Holy Spirit just moved me to tears even though i didn't know exactly what was going on in her life.

"dear...u know who u are...God loves u so much n hurts when u hurt. be bold!! be strong!! u will get through this, n u WILL be victorious!! i'll be here to walk beside u....love ya lots!!"

jottings...

pool...a lil dancing...foosball...home...stacko thingy...CRASH!!...laugh laugh laugh...vibrating butt...laugh laugh laugh...uno MADNESS...tick tick tick...BOOM!!...laugh laugh laugh... :D

..missing someone...or ones...
..wishing the car was fixed...
..wondering bout the trip...should i? should i not?
..PG meeting...can't wait!
..movie tomorrow...hmmm...need car...sigh*
..listening to peaceful music...dreaming of the beach..gentle breeze..waves on the shore...
..time to sleep...thinking bout rat in the laundry room...locked it there. muahaha! good thing it didn't fly in my face again!!
..okay...time to sleep... zzzzZZzzZzzzzz....

iT's OVEERRR!!!! :D

exams are OOVVEEERRR!!! wwhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!.. :P that was the fastest ever finals i've sat for man!! first day-first paper-last paper... lol...
well, thank God it went pretty well...i did my best..leaving the rest to Him now.. :) the only thing i'm worried about is the graph. many student's carry marks are high. so getting an A will be difficult. sigh* oh well...nothing i can do bout that now...

so it's time to PAARRRTTEEYYYY!!!! n chill....n n.... hmmmm.. i don't even know what to do next...feeling too free...

FOCUS FOCUS FOCUS!!!

been feeling a lil lost...a lil tired...a lil dry...a lil weary...a lil disturbed...

but in church today, Ps Kenneth shared some things that spoke to me... n at the same time, God spoke to me as well...
Ps Kenneth stated that we need to focus on things that God wants us to. some things in our Christian walk are just NONE OF OUR BUSINESS!
many times, we just get so distracted by petty things in our life... when we should concentrating n working on things that are eternal.
that's exacty what was wrong with me. distracted. had worries n questions in my mind that shouldn't even BE there!
why am i getting caught up in things that shouldn't be of concern to me??
the answer was suddenly so clear to me... all the questions that i've been asking lately; "why? how?..." have been answered. God simply told me, "these are all distractions...FOCUS rachel FOCUS!! it's none of ur business...stop getting caught up in worldy matters..emotions..worries.." i knew now that all the "battles" in me weren't exactly a problem. just distractions that i had to ignore...
phew* what a burden was lifted from me this saturday night service. really felt so much more relieved...felt joy once again... :D yeay!! thank u Lord for enlightening me!! :P

MELAKA?

in the historical state of....MELAKA!!! woo hooo!!!ya rite...as if we come here for the history. hehe.. we come for the FOOD n PEOPLE!!was fun celebrating jeff's birthday in Paradise. nice romantic place. :)
today...watched the INCREDIBLES with weeliem n mich. i think the show is fantastic!! really really good... gotta watch it again man!! well, mich n i did some shopping after that. grin* both of us bought one piece of clothing each. :P
after that, we had dinner with justin, joash, sam n deric in friend's cafe. that was really fun. n what i ordered was really good!! yummy!!
after dinner we headed down to the beach opposite weeliem's hse. THAT's where our conversations got interesting!! talked alot bout relationships n stuff. mich n i felt old coz we seemed to know alot. experienced!! haha... sigh...conclusion was....
-don't get involved too early
-try to stay away from "one to one" outings
-trust in God that He'll bring u the best whom He KNOWS u'd want as well
....hmmmm...i can't remember the rest. too sleepy...yawn* oh well... i still think it's better to stay out of relationships now. saves u so much complications n problems. even TALKING about it was making mich n i feel frustrated... okay...brain is shutting down... good nite world.. or should i say, good morning... zzZZzzZzzzzzz..........

DaNciNG

was thinking to myself... when my back was still hurting, n i was gonna see a doc about it..some stupid thoughts crossed my mind. what if it's serious? what if a bone is out of place? what if it's CANCER or something? :P but there was only ONE fear in me...not whether i would die....but what if whatever it is forbids me from ever dancing again!!! gosh!! that really freaked me out!! i know i've always loved dancing....since young... n that passion has grown over the years... but i never thought that it meant THAT much to me. i would really be "dead" without the ability to dance. its like...its the only thing that i can do willingly even if it causes pain or frustration...n still obtain joy from doing it. i practically can't live without it. dancing!!! if only i could do it for a living!! *sigh*

"thanks leona darling for teaching us the fan dance. was super duper fun!! :D i bet ALL 3 of us had a great time!! 4 including u.. hehe...muaks*"

DON'T complain!!

i was reminded to write about this after reading Leona's blog-about being thankful... just last week, Esther & i had a conversation about how good people are at complaining about everything. how can we complain about petty things such as; "im fat!", "im ugly!", "my hair sucks!", etc. (even im guilty of the last one)...when there are people in the world who are BLIND, DEAF, MUTE, LAME??.. and THESE are the people who really know how to appreciate the lil things in this world.

some people question "WHY does God allow some people to be handicap or not have all 5 senses??" well, i believe that in many ways, these people are even more blessed, because they are the ones who really know how to find true joy, n experience an abundant life. unlike "perfect" beings like us who only know how to whine n grumble when we have pimples, or a bad hair day, or not have a supermodels body, or not look like Brad Pitt, or not have a gf/bf... and then we get all depressed, n think that we're the unluckiest people on earth, n that life sucks! ARGH!! im getting pissed just thinking about it!! how can we be SOOO ungrateful??? we had better start learning to thank God everyday for giving us SIGHT, HEARING, SMELL, TASTE, TOUCH, 2 HANDS, 2 FEET, 10 FINGERS, 10 TOES...what more can we ask for my dear friends??? u are SOOO blessed!! now use ur gifts to bless others!!

first music practice

and so...we finally got together to practice for my friend's wedding. a few of us used to play almost every week in church for praise & worship. sadly, most of us havent TOUCHED our instruments for more than a year. some 2... so the first thing i said when we reached church; "okay!! let's first learn how to play our instruments!! whheeee..." :P hehe... all of us felt damn scared to start.. all KARAT dy... we stoned for awhile... n i asked.. "so...how do we start?" LOL... damn funny ler!! we had a few good laughs. we were acting like we didnt know how to play at all. but when the ball started rolling, everything was good... NO we didnt forget how to make music. i think u can't really forget these things. maybe it won't be as smooth as it used to be...but it was okay... :) thank God! n it was fun!! sigh* really miss playing the drums!! especially with these friends...we have SO many memories together.
*dreeaaammm....*

Another Chance

this is just a song i wrote during my quiet time...was reminded on how i got another chance...n YET another one... even when i keep falling into the same pit. i believe all of us have our ONE pit that we keep falling into. but God never gives up on us. He doesn't even get tired of us saying sorry for the same mistakes we make! as long as we come back to Him, He forgives us of ALL, n i mean ALL our sins!!

Another Chance

He was always there
gave me all the love n care
but i strayed a lil too far
i fell a lil too deep
couldn't get out on my own
never have i felt so alone...

PRE-CHORUS
n so i cried out
cried out to my one true Saviour

CHORUS
n He came to my rescue
with loving arms that i once knew
pulled me out of that pit
never thought that i would get
yet another chance
yes, another chance

now i thought that i was strong
thought i knew how to get along
but again darkness conquered
n i felt lost more than ever
but i remembered there was somebody
who would never leave nor forsake me

PRE-CHORUS
CHORUS

BRIDGE
u might think u have no hope
u might think u've fallen too far
but don't u know He intercedes for u?
don't u know He's fighting for u?
He already died n rose for u
so whenever ur away from Him,

PRE-CHORUS 2
u just need to cry out
cry out to your one true Saviour

CHORUS 2
n He'll come to ur rescue
with loving arms u once knew
pull u out of that pit
always know that u would get
yet another chance
yes, another chance

. :NOSTALGIA: .

i had this sudden urge to go through my old letters. i realized that that's something that i stopped doing for years. my close friends n cousins n i used to write letters to each other pretty often. i guess the older we get, the more we tend to neglect people n take things for granted.

i mainly went through letters from this close friend of mine from church. we grew up in Grace Assembly together. we were extremely close between the year 1999-2001. well, the letters i read were during those years. i was 17 n she was 19. but we were close since i was 15 probably. just that we weren't "personal" level close. during those 2 years of writing to each other, we used to write letters almost every week. n we would pass it to each other when we meet in church. we served in children's church, youth, n the music ministry together. was so fun!! all the singing, acting, dancing, performing, playing instruments together... *dreamy look on face*
we were practically involved in every single event or occasion there was, as there were very few of us teens around. (the chinese dept consists of mostly elderly ppl) . we would even be on the worship team almost EVERY sunday. it was a CHICK band then. lol...most of us close girlfriends.

reading through those letters, it made me smile, laugh, even tear. i really miss the friendship we had. how close we were n how much we cared for each other...how excited we were to get each other's letters even though we see each other at LEAST once a week. usually more. n it was such a joy to write. n even make lil tokens of friendship. i wonder why people these days dont do that anymore. maybe it's the technology. there's email n YM n MSN. even so, we dont mail each other that often either. sad..btw, it was so funny reading about our old crushes n "BGR" problems. hahahah..we were so young n naive n innocent.

oh ya! i even came across old postcards from my "first love". :) so cute!! so sweet!! i still have the VERY 1ST postcard he wrote to me-confessing his feelings. gives me a warm fuzzy feeling thinking bout the good ol' days.. MAN!! when ur 18, everything is so exciting!! n things kids in love say to each other are so cute! lol...it brought back many sweet memories. college life was fun. being in love the first time was fun too. grin* we ARE still friends btw.

sigh* NOSTLAGIA....i really thank God for the people he brings into my life. i just wish that none of us has to drift apart. but it happens.. n all we can do is try our best to make an effort to get back in touch, which is what i just did; mailed that precious friend to tell her that i miss her, n still love her lots. :)
"san, thank u for all the letters, the care, the lil gifts, most of all, the friendship u shared with me as we were growing up. i still love u lots!! "

~back problems~

maybe i'm older than i think. sob* been having back pains for more than a week now. it's getting a lil worrying. was talking to melvin last night...n he scared me by giving all the posibilities. nerve out of place, slipped disk...said i better not leave it prolonged, or it could get bad or permanent. hmmm... guess i'll wait n see if it still hurts after next week.
sigh* could it be the way i slept? or dancing? or aerobics? or carrying something heavy? shrug*

"Daddy God...You're the greatest physician..please fix this lil problem in my back...thank You... in Jesus' name...amen!! "

: .puzzled. :

memories of my past...
mistakes i've made...experiences i've been through...
ever since i stepped into "adulthood", for me i consider it 18 n above...
sometimes i wonder if i regret...
or if i'm thankful at the way i turned out...
it's weird though...
sometimes i don't know what's wrong n what's right anymore...
maybe i've put up walls...
maybe i'm just paranoid...
maybe i didn't HAVE enough walls up before this...
n after everything...
at this turning point in my life, maybe it IS time to put up some walls?
shrug*
puzzling...
life is puzzling...

"Daddy...please show me the way..."

LOVE THOSE KIDS!!

gosh!! how can i forget the events that happened this weekend??okay..here goes..

FRI
went to RUMAH TRINITY. there were 20 indian kids there...they're simply adorable & beautiful!! we actually planned 2 games to play with them. but it turned out to be THEM teaching us games instead. here's basically what the scene was when we were there. boys around the age of 14 were climbing all over jia wern n wrestling with him. 2 boys n 2 girls played hand games n took me round the whole house showing me the plants they planted. oh ya... and we played PEPSI-COLA!! yes esther...its PEPSI COLA..not ICE CREAM SODA.. lol..
the "babies"; 4-6 yrs of age stuck to chee kah...guess coz he's like a gentle lamb.. grin*
the 2 baby girls, diana & jennifer stuck to esther n charis most of the time. i played with them when daniel, vicky, christina n prasanth weren't pulling me around la.
i can't remember the rest ler.. but yea..all 11 of us had a few kids who stuck to us throughout our visit. was really fun. n i fell in love with them already.



although our visit only lasted not more than 3 hrs, a bond was formed. n i could feel my heart expand to love these kids. my heart really goes out to them.throughout this whole visit, i was reminded on how my heart is for children. when i used to serve in the children's ministry in my home church, i used to wonder, is this my ministry? is this my calling? now i feel yes, it is. God has put in my heart a special place for kids. it's not just a feeling of sympathy for these orphans..but i really LOVE them. don't really know how to explain it. it was sad when we had to leave. i really felt heavy hearted to leave them.



after the trip, i also remembered my desire to adopt a child when im married. of coz i want my own children. but some months back, the thought of adopting suddenly crossed my mind. i feel that if i could make a difference in at LEAST 1 child's life, it's worth it. make the world of ONE abandoned kid better...shrug* but of coz, all this will have to be prayed about n all. some ppl think that it isn't possible to love an adopted child as much as ur own flesh n blood. but i dont agree. i really feel that i CAN love an adopted child with all my heart as well. okay...enough bout kids. im not even CLOSE to marriage. so... lol...



that nite...INFEST!! all i gotta say is; THAT'S WHAT I CALL MUSIC!!! esther n i got really high...unfortunately our enthuisiasm wasnt seen in everyone. bleh*

SAT
lenard, luvin, bryan n i followed nicky to get his new wife. :)
in the afternoon...AEROBICS!! talk about working out! my thighs are still aching pretty badly. was totally fun though. was more like learning a dance. kat is a GREAT aerobics instructor!!
that nite...dinner with my JI MUI!! had a good time of catching up.. thanks for dinner ji mui!! HUGZ*

Valentine no more

sad news. valentine is gone. not even a week of her stay with my family...one lil careless mistake...n she found a way out the gate. SOB SOB* someone else probably has her now. all we can do is pray that God is looking after her, n she found a good home... : ( everyone is a lil shaken by it, coz she was a really good n smart pup. was learning fast.
sigh* i dont even wanna talk bout it anymore. it's too saddening.

AnGeR

it's scary when Anger pops in. the worst thing is, when he does, u don't really want him to leave. weird huh?
the bad thing is, if u go to sleep with him still there, he won't be gone when u wake up. Anger isn't like a tummy ache that disappears by morning. he just sits there...influences ur dreams sometimes. n when u wake, he's STILL sitting there. so how do we get rid of Anger so that he won't affect our whole day? it's easy to say "talk to God..." but like i said, isn't it true that sometimes when Anger is there, we kindda like his company. it's as if we just wanna dwell in that fiery furnace. sigh* HUMANS!!!

CGVCG!!!

almost forgot bout CGVCG!!! man!! the organizers deserve a dinner or something!! MICH. JOSH, NICKY, ALVIN, JOHNNY...im sure they worked really hard to get it together. n they did a REALLY good job!! everyone had fun. all the sweat, the energy, the time...was worth it.from mmu campus to cyberview lodge, to paya indah wetlands, to precint 9 putrajaya, to taman botani, to alamanda, to cyberpark... each team was constantly driving or running around. clues were being solved. things n places were being found. questions were being answered. at the same time, we really enjoyed the company... some teams were helping each other out, even though we are from different CG's. it was nice to see the unity between CF members as a whole. it was also interesting to see different teams choosing different paths coz there were various ways to complete the race. all in all, it was a fun day. got to see more of cyberjaya n putrajaya then i've ever done since i started studying here. hehe...n i had a great team with me - Lydia, Datin Steph, Desmond & Peter!! wooo hooo!! multi-faculty!! i think we really complimented each other. honestly speaking, i wasn't semangat at all before the race began. but as we went on, everyone was determined to win. n thank GOD, we got 2nd place!!! yeay!! :D i think God was teaching me a lesson as well. n giving me back my semangatness. :) thank u Lord!!!

^VaLeNTiNe^

i have a new family member!! yeay!! :D her name is Valentine. she's black...n cute...n has a wet lil nose... n droopy ears...n a LONG tail... grin*
this is how she came to our home...
car stops outside the house. ben comes down...starts calling at the gate "PET!!!" my sis gets up groggily from her sleep...goes to front door...ben comes in carrying a big box....he holds it out to pet n says "this is for u...early birthday present." he opens the box.. n out pops a lil black head!! eeEEeEeee....leona, esther n i start squealing..the lil darling had a bright green ribbon tied to her waist too (my sis' favourite colour).i asked pet, "what u gonna name her??!!" all she said was, "sleepy la..wanna go back to sleep.. heh..," *sheepish smile* n goes back to bed.
SIGH* what la that gurl!!! so leona & i ended up playing with her till my parents got home. n we had to leave back to cyber. sniff* so sad.. i miss her already....btw, she's a lil black labrador pup. apparently mixed with alsation. but doesnt look it at all. wwhhhheeee!!! cant wait to go home!!!

"Thank You God for the new member in our family..."

*FLasHbAcKs*

flashbacks...
heart skipping a beat...
hoping...
getting closer...
falling...
head over heels...
excited...
loving...
caring...
bliss...
contented...
happy...

but they're all just memories, hitting me unexpectedly like a blow to the head. at the moment, they still hurt. but someday, i'm sure they'll be sweet...someday....

-BE FAITHFUL-

last nite, i was suddenly struck by discouragement n a weird feeling of dullness...don't wanna mention the cause of it. but i just felt so low...so "tak bersemangat". was questioning myself why?? was asking God why?? even asked a few friends why?? in fact, i felt guilty bout feeling this way. i shouldn't be feeling this way...ARGH!! think i need a TIGHT SLAP in the face!! well...was talking to weeliem bout how i was feeling...n he greatly encouraged me with these 2 words - "BE FAITHFUL". yea...i guess that's all God wants us to do. be faithful. he's not gonna ask us how many souls we saved. he's not gonna ask us how many churches we built. he's not gonna ask us how much did we multiply our CG. He's not even gonna ask us how "holy" we were here on earth. but He WILL ask us how we used our gifts n talents...how we continued to run the race even when it was so hard...how we still served him n pressed on when things got rough. i wanna continue running the race. i wanna keep using n expanding my talents. i wanna serve Him all my life even in the little things; n even when it seems to be pointless. "God, give me the strength to keep going."