3 Months

It's been 3 months. Wow. The most amazing 3 months in my life.
Never thought I could feel this way.
Never thought I would feel this way so soon EVEN if it were possible.

There is not ONE thing about you that I dislike yet. You're like a dream come true. A real life fairy tale?

you.me.God....together, it will always be a beautiful picture. :)

Afraid to love. More afraid to lose.

I searched for the lyrics after you mentioned this song. :)

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

Remember the good times that we had?
I let them slip away from us when things got bad
How clearly I first saw you smilin’ in the sun
Wanna feel your warmth upon me, I wanna be the one

I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so tired but I can’t sleep
Standin’ on the edge of something much too deep
It’s funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can’t be heard

But I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

I’m so afraid to love you, but more afraid to lose
Clinging to a past that doesn’t let me choose
Once there was a darkness, deep and endless night
You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me light

And I will remember you
Will you remember me?
Don’t let your life pass you by
Weep not for the memories

-Sarah Mclachlan-

today

Today,
Work is slow... Everyone's still on hols. Especially in Europe and the States.

Today,
He's pissing me off again!! Why do people like these even work?? Might as well stay home and leech of someone else!

He's making me smile again, as usual. Gives me goosebumps, or the warm fuzzy feeling as well sometimes.

He actually came to our Christmas play! But I overlooked it and didn't think he'd come. I'm touched that he made an effort. But I wanna KICK myself for NOT making the effort.

He's so funny and lovable. Wish he were still working here in Cyber.

I'm trying to think of more "he"'s or even "she"s but I can't. Yes, I'm that free and bored. Should've just taken leave today...ish!

: : Mind Storms : :

God... I've gotten it wrong SO many times!! How do I know when it's right?!?!
Lord I don't wanna make anymore mistakes. I don't want anyone hurt again.
How do you know, God?? How do you know? How do you know?

2 outcomes
-> 1) crash & burn
-> 2) seek

I've drilled it into my head for years:-
"No. Don't. It's wrong. Stay away. Negative. Negative. Negative. Negative."
Will I be blinded even when it's Positive?

Peace. That is what I will need. It's what I want to feel when the time is right.

Beautiful. But for how long? Forever?

A blessing. For always, I pray.

Joy. Overflowing. Everlasting.


To honour You. To worship You. To make You smile. To draw us closer to You. To be a light in this dark world. That's the way it should be.

-This I place in Your hands-

The Journey

Sometimes we think or worry about the end of the road too much. That we forget to enjoy the lil things along that road. The beautiful wild flowers. The trees blowing in the breeze. Birds chirping. Butterflies and dragonflies fluttering in the fresh air. Little animals scampering on the green grass. White puffy clouds sailing in an ocean of blue. The sunset. The sunrise. The moonlit and star-filled sky.

Sometimes we just need to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. In the end, even if the end of the road isn't quite what you expected. Or NOT what you expected at all, it would've been worth it anyway, because the journey itself brought you joy, helped you grow, taught you, added value to your life.

Dum dee dee dum....*whistles down the road with a smile on my face*
Actually, I can't whistle. LOL...

"Papa, with you holding my hand, this life is gonna be GOOD... Even though the storms will come my way, I have nothing to fear."

"And you, you, you, you...you, you... you and you, you.. yes you too...you, you, you, and you, and you.. oh! and you.. you and you and you...AND YOU! Thank you... for being the beautiful things in this journey of mine. I could not ask for more. I love you all."

shaky ground / shifting sands..whatever you wanna call it

After all you've gone through, the one thing you thought was stable.
The one thing you thought was the basis of everything.
Where you thought won't go wrong.
Suddenly that too decides to crumble beneath your feet.

What's this all about then?
Where can we confidently call "safe"?
What can we hold on to knowing that it'll never give way?

The answer is simple - God.
He's the only one who remains.
He's the only one who never changes.
He's the only one who will NEVER let us down. NEVER disappoint us.

I guess this is where we learn to fully depend on the only Constant in this life.
To not look at man.
Even leaders fail us.
This is where we learn to mature.
Because we now start to ultimately find council in Him, who's all knowing. Who's in control.

"Abba Father...i put my trust in You and You alone. You hold my world. You hold everyone else that I care about too. And I know you have good things in store for all of them."

: :blessed: :

Let's see... been working slightly over a month now.. It's been awesome.
The colleagues I've been meeting. I couldn't ask for better.
So far 2 senior engineers from Spore have taken turns to come to Msia to help us out. One more will be coming the week after next. They're all amazing.
My satisfaction at work - providing excellent service to our clients. When they're happy, I'm happy. This motivation, together with fantastic colleagues, makes me look forward to work everyday.
Things will change though once we start working 3 shifts. Won't see most colleagues most of the time. Will probably miss them... including my manager. Gotta start making new friends then. heh... if not it'll be lonely working during AP shift or even graveyard hours.
Well, hopefully I'd get to know my US and UK colleagues more during these hours. :P Although it'll only be through online chat.

"Lord, may my colleagues be blessed. May my manager be blessed. May my company be blessed. Your presence go before me as I work here."

-More amazing still is my Father in heaven. Who blessed me with all this. -

cRaP

Yup. That's how you feel sometimes. Now, is one of those times. Oh well...
Guess I'll hit the sheets.

-Good night world-

: : HeaLeD : :

Oh, We stutter and we stammer till You save us
A symphony of chaos till You play us
Phrases on the pages of unknown
‘Til You read us into poetry and prose
We are kept and we are captive till You free us
Vaguely unimagined ‘til You dream us
Aimlessly unguided ‘til You lead us home

CHORUS:
By Your voice we speak
By Your strength no longer weak
We are no longer weak
And by Your wounds we are healed
And by Your wounds we are healed

Passed over and passed by until You claim us
Orphaned and abandoned ‘til You name us
Hidden and disclosed ‘til You expose our hearts

CHORUS:
By Your death we live
It is by Your gift that we might give
That we might give
And by Your wounds we are healed
And by Your wounds we are healed

What kind of love would take your
shame and spill his blood for you
Save us by His wounds
By Your wounds, we are healed
By Your wounds, we are healed
What kind of love
By Your wounds, we are healed
Tell me what kind of love is this
By Your wounds, we are healed.

-Nicole Nordeman-

Kept listening to this song, to remind myself that by His wounds I am already healed. My back really hurt. For no reason!!
Don't recall doing anything that might've sprained or strained it.
It started hurting yesterday.
Woke up this morning to find that I could hardly stand or walk.
Even sitting down was agonizing. :(
Actually, even lying down caused me pain. Had to gasp for air everytime I moved coz a sharp pain shot down my back whenever I did.

Praise God that it's better now after spending the whole day in bed.
In ONE position! sigh* But yea, the pain has subsided. The medication probably helped too. But most of all, My Healer has touched me... I'm grateful for those who have been praying for me. :)

. : weight : .

-tired-

Starting to feel the weight of balancing work, church, social life, and personal life.
Man...feeling pretty tired...
"God, give me wisdom to know which are the things in life to focus on as well as those I should let go a lil.. Most of all, strengthen me with Your joy... That I may do my best in all things that You have called me to do and that I am committed to."

Good night world! A brand new day awaits me...

-zzZZzz-

When I heard the rough job scope of my job, I liked it.
Now that training has started, and I'm finding out more about what's required of us,
I STILL like it!! If not more!
I'm actually finding things that I hated studying in uni, interesting now! LOL...
Studying it for exams is so different then actually seeing it being used. The technology is so cool!! Can't wait to get into the details. Today was only an overview of all the technical stuff. Gotta start reading up again about ISDN, TCP/IP, PCM, FDM... hehe...

Bumped into got spotted by a gazillion old friends from various times in my life today whom I didn't know works in Shell and I haven't seen in years. grin* So many people to catch up with!!! Many lunch appointments on the way!!

OH! During training we also got to meet our colleagues in Singapore through the video conference. SOOO FUUNN!! They're all great people! And I think my manager is the best in the world! :P Couldn't ask for more...

And once again.. thank You Daddy God... thank You thank You thank You...

1st day of work.

1st day as a conference support engineer in ACT Teleconferencing.
Well, we haven't gone live yet. Training will be till end of the month.
But the first day went well. I enjoyed myself. :)
Still think I'm really blessed with a super nice boss.
With a good working environment (in Shell).
With very professional people training us.
Even the helpdesk is SOOO professional.
I know that coz I had to call them like 10 times yesterday!! lol...
Had to settle smartcard and my desktop issues. Make sure they're working fine and all.
Their system is too canggih dy...
Even the telephone that we'll be using are so canggih!!
SOFT PHONE!! Ever heard of that!?!? Appropos to be exact.
The training by shell bout Appropos usage was pretty fun. Hands on practice. :D
I have SOOOO much more to learn! And I'm looking forward to it. WHEEEEEEEE!!!

"Jesus, go with me to work everyday. That the company be blessed because of Your presence."

: : mess : :

Why does there exist such a thing called emotional attachment??? Doesn't it just mess people up?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


*breathe*

There! just needed to let it out.

"Rachel stop being a dumbass!"

my first step.

I was at crossroads. Was a struggle to which path I should take. But now I've taken my first step. Entering a whole new world, I'm still letting it sink in. It's exciting!! Yet scary.. Not knowing what lies ahead. All I know is that God holds my future. :) That's all I need to know. My prayer is that through this blessing, I will NOT forget Him. Everything I do, I want it to be unto God. At work, I wanna work for Him.
And as I start my journey on this path, may His presence go before me.

Fitting into the Master's plans

Referring to my last post. About being blessed.
Another thought dawned upon me this morning as my daddy was praying for me; for my decision.

Yes God blesses us...but it's not JUST about us. Life does not revolve around us and what we receive. But everything that God gives us, is also part of fitting us in His perfect plan. For the world. For the lost. For the needy. For the hurting.

I am honoured, to be part of His plan. To work beside Him in reaching this broken world.

It's not about being noble. Or being sacrificial.
To obey is better than sacrifice. 1 Samuel 15:22

Our Father in heaven isn't looking for sacrifice. But a heart that is willing to do His will. To serve Him in EVERY way possible.

I've realized that maybe the reason of some of my actions is to sacrifice. To "be noble". Maybe even because I was running away from certain things. Or having the wrong mentality of things (Like work!! :P )
But when God provides. He gives you more than you ever imagined or asked for.
He gave me more than I could ever expect.
I know it's not me. It's Him. And I wanna fit in this plan of His.

-Blessed to be a blessing-

Undeserved Blessing

God's favour. God's blessing. We just can't understand it. I can't! I don't deserve it. I didn't work for it. But that's what our God is all about. It's not about what we deserve. But it's about what He wants to give us.

And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:19

When you receive something out of your expectations and dreams; you know it was all God!! Only He is able to bring forth such good. Such favour. Such blessing.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights who does not change like shifting shadows.
James 1:17

But are we ready for it? Am I ready for it? Can I handle it? I pray that my heart has already been dealt with. And that it is in the right place.

"Thank You Lord for giving out of YOUR riches. And not what my mind can comprehend or what I deserve."

-Living to please the Almighty-

A thousand times I've failed
Still Your mercy remains
Should I stumble again
I'm caught in Your grace
Everlasting Your light will shine
when all else fades
Neverending Your glory goes
beyond all fame

Your will above all else
My purpose remains
The art of losing myself
in bringing You praise
Everlasting Your light will shine
when all else fades
Neverending Your glory goes
beyond all fame

My heart and my soul
I give You control
Consume me from the inside out
Let justice and praise
Become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting Your light will shine
when all else fades
Neverending Your glory goes
beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart
is to bring You praise
from the inside out
Lord, my soul cries out

: : CoVeNanT : :

Covenant indeed. Who are we to deserve such favour and blessing from the Almighty God?

Honestly, I haven't been handling change
well. Instead of praying more and spending more time with God when things weren't going the way I expected it to, I chose instead to be "emo" and just be undriven, unmotivated. I haven't been soaring in my spiritual walk; not even climbing high... You know how it feels... not being "on fire".

But even so, God's favour has been so evident in my life. Working for 2 events over the past 3 weeks proves it. 3 teams. Target to reach in order to get a bonus. Only one team did. Mine. (I pledged that bonus out of faith before even attaining it). God is good. Not only we reached the target, but our team was the only one which did not receive any complaints.
The next event was the most fun I've experienced so far. The whole team clicked, got along, bonded. We were even sad to say goodbye on that last day.
On top of that, my employers are great. It's been a pleasure working for them and hangin out with them.

Through it all, I still see God's hand. Even in my "spiritual low". Truly our God isn't one who is quick to judge and throw a lightning bolt at us. He blesses us no matter what phase we're going through in life.
GRACE. Brings me to tears thinking about it. It's got nothing to do with our works. Our good deeds. Grace is all that grants us the right to claim all the blessings Jehovah has in store.

Saturday - Been feeling guilty and self-condemned for some time. But it was the first time in a long time I felt the amazing warmth and beauty of His love again. My Father in heaven doesn't think they way we do. Neither does He see us they way we see ourselves. "Thank You" isn't enough to express our gratefulness. This God of ours is too wonderful to describe. We can't understand Him. We can't understand the covenant He's made with us.

and I stand, I stand, in awe of You.....

DaNcE dAnCe DanCe!!!

We're gonna dance, dance, dance in the freedom we know
We're dance, dance in the freedom we know
We're gonna danc,e dance, dance in the freedom we know
Because the freedom we know is gonna last forever!!!
-Hillsong [Mighty to Save]-

Woke up this morning with this song in my head, and heart. :P
Remembering us just going wild and dancing for joy in Hillsongs conference to this song (their latest album). Truly we're created to dance. And God IS a dancing kinda God. :D

So...
"when you get the chance to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance... I hope you dance... " -Lee Ann Womack-

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt like nothing seemed familiar around you anymore?
Have you ever felt like you were slipping back...back into your past?
Have you ever felt tired of being strong. Being matured. Being self-controlled?
Have you ever felt angry, sad, jealous, confused, all at the same time?
Have you ever wanted to take the wide and easy road?

What happens when you do? I guess all we can do is hold on... Anchor on to Him... His promises. His love. sigh.... easier said than done.
Most of the time, you just wanna BEAT something up! Or abuse yourself! Or choose the easy way out...

"Lord, I'm weak and struggling."